Category: Review

3 Things You Should Never Buy the Target Version Of

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I love Target. I especially love that their generic stuff is almost always just as good as the regular version. However, there are three products that you should never buy the generic version of in any instance. Seriously, nothing at all is better than these three terrible options.

Facewash


The original


The imposter

We were recently reminded of this rule, as I accidentally purchased the generic instead of the original because we’re on a budget now and I completely forgot my first traumatic facial scalding from this shit. If you’ve never been a theater kid, a drag queen or a 1940′s housewife, you are probably unfamiliar with a product called Noxema Cleansing Cream. A condition for which you should be very grateful. It smells like paint stripper, and it burns like fuck sauce. If you’re not careful, this shit will change your race. And the Target knock-off of Saint Ives Apricot Scrub is basically Noxema with sand in it. Even after you wash it off, the burn remains. It’s the most horrible thing I’ve ever done to my face, and I used to be a punk.

Don’t buy it. Wash your face with nothing, just scrub it with a wash cloth or use fucking Dial or something.

Trash Bags


The good


The bad and the ugly

I know other bloggers have been making sponsored posts about Glad Forceflex, but I am not nearly popular enough to be on the trash bag circuit. So please know that this review comes from the bottom of my real and true heart. I love a name brand trash bag. Hefty are also good, but I have been enjoying the Forceflex lately. Against what they imply in the commercial, you can not just shove random pointy shit into it forever and ever, but you can put a lot of stuff in one of these babies, and I appreciate that kind of economy.

The generic Target trash bag, however, might as well be made of tissue paper and hemorrhoids for all the good it does. The strings will come out of the bag at some point, usually when you’re half way down the stairs with a bag in each hand and you had fish on Monday which means its at the bottom of the bag and you want to die because you were wearing flip flops and now it’s all over your toes and you resolve to never tell anyone about the morning you spent cleaning fish off everything and crying like a bitch.

Bras


This is how a bra should fit (borrowed from biggerbras.com)


What is this, a bra for ants?

In addition to their Mossimo brand, Target also sells name brand bras and unless you’re the type of person that doesn’t really need a bra, never buy one anywhere they can’t do a proper fitting. So get thee to a Victoria’s Secret, Lane Bryant/Cacique or some other bra-centric specialty store. When you’re wearing a fitted bra, the entire universe is your comfort zone. I mean, you’re still wearing a bra, so it’s not all good, but you haven’t been this comfortable since you hit puberty, I guarantee it. And don’t think that because you know your size now you can go back to Target and get the cheap and shitty bras because you can not. A good bra isn’t just a good fit, it’s quality materials mixed with superior craftsmanship. Your boobs will thank you. Your clothes will thank you. Consider it your good deed for the year.

Day 1: Success

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So this morning I was having an absolute heart attack because I drew up our new budget and realized that in order to keep the lights on and the rent paid, I’d have to bring in at least $300 a week from freelancing. That probably doesn’t seem like much to someone who’s already a freelancer, but since I probably only made that much in the last 7 months, it’s a pretty terrifying concept. Especially since that was the absolute bare bones: no health insurance, no extra money or entertainment budget except our weekly grocery allowance plus $20 each. The only luxury we’ve kept is $15 for streaming Hulu and Netflix because we would go completely insane without them.

When I broke it down to a per day rate ($60) it didn’t seem so bad, although I already felt terrible because there was no way that I would be able to make that goal on the first day. And then I did. On day one, I made one day’s portion of the money I need to keep the electricity on. Isn’t that all anybody wants? That and scheduling a planning meeting that happens in a camp chair on the veranda (read apartment walk-way) in the cool ocean breeze. Because that also happened. I know, my life is a ball of contradictions.

I credit how very serious I actually am taking this whole thing. I put on make-up this morning. Lipstick even.


I look sweaty because I was sweaty. It was kind of a hot day and we have no AC and only two shitty fans.

I used to be annoyed at how red lips highlighted my Mexican lady-stache, but I I like it now. It’s very Frida Kahlo.


OMG, twinzies.

Out of respect to past work-a-day me. I did refuse to wear a real bra. Due to my considerable natural talents, I had to wear a sports bra or it would have gotten uncomfortable, but I did go the whole day without under-wires, which has always been a dream of mine. Well, not like I didn’t live that dream for the entire last semester of my senior year at college, but I don’t like to think about that part of my life. I was a very dark, unflattering-boob shapey time.

Anyway, Ben and I finished the fourth season of Parks and Recreation and I miss it already. No joke, I’m really considering starting over at the beginning of the second season and watching it all again. Whoever told us to skip the first season is an angel because that show is so amazingly good with the glaring exception of the first season.

Oh. My. Jesus, I just learned that Hulu has season five: full episodes starting at one. Leslie Knope is my spirit animal. No spoilers, but that part in the last episode of season four where she starts laughing at the least appropriate time, and Ben is all “Why are you laughing?” and she answers “Because my dream is dead.” I HAVE DONE THAT. THAT’S A THING I DO.

Okay, so I maybe am not as high-strung as her, I certainly am not as positive or as knowledgeable, but I swear Leslie Knope and I have the same personality type or something.


I couldn’t find the appropriate gif, so here’s this one. Just as good.

Oh, and Ben’s already asleep, so I’ll make this quick, but we just stared watching House of Cards and I want to say two things:

1. I love it. I’m usually not one for intrigue (too few explosions), but I enjoy it a lot.

2. This is one of the few dramatic shows I’ve seen where the cast actually look like distinctly separate people. In other shows there’s usually 23 blond ones, and a scattering of brunettes who all look exactly the same. And you can’t tell any of them apart except for the black guy who’s only safe until there’s another black guy in the room and then all bets are off because they’re both 6’2″ with mocha skin, hazel eyes and tasteful fades as if there’s not other shapes or shades of ethnic people in the world. All of the actors on House of Cards catch my eye. I want to look at them because they have interesting and different features. They look like humans instead of dolls. In other words, I approve.

A Shack of My Own

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So this happened:

I was feeling kind of shitty Friday night, so I was marathoning Amy Poehler’s Ask Amy, and this commercial came on which I think is hilarious because Ask Amy is essentially for children.

I’m amused because I was basically sitting in the dark in my underwear, kind of sort of crying about the turn my life has taken and the Gods of the Internet were like “this looks like a woman who needs luxury accommodations quickly and easily.” Like, I know that it was probably just reading all the cookies I got from ogling rich people’s houses on Curbed, or however that works, but I thought it was hilarious, so I tweeted about it.

Good to know that whatever fate this shitshow deals me, I will at least have the support of whoever runs the twitter for an upscale Manhattan real estate broker. That’s all that really counts, isn’t it?

We also saw Iron Man 3 this weekend. I’m already guilty about spending good money on a movie when I still don’t know if I’m about to get laid off, but I feel like sometimes you just need to escape into an action film. They’re so full of innocent hope that the impossible could just be possible if we were only wonderful enough. I think a person needs that when things are difficult.

You know, sometimes you just have to drag your iron man through the snow for a little bit (don’t trip, it’s in the trailer), but you’ll be back on your feet soon enough. I know Tony Stark is a super genius and I’m just a fat whore but we do actually have some things in common. For example, we both suffer from insomnia. We’re both brunettes, and we’re both to some extent fictional characters. And No, I’m not going to think of the emotional implications of believing I could prevent bad things if I were just smart enough, cool enough, or possessing of enough firepower. That’s not what were doing right now.

Anyway, no spoilers but my one major complaint about any movie with women in it is how the writers so frequently use the irrational behavior and/or demands of female characters instead of actual writing in order to advance the plot. Can we please fucking stop this? For real, Pepper Potts is just a screaming plot device this entire film. If it weren’t for her, the movie would have been great. And it’s not like it would have taken that long to figure out some other, better motivation for half the shit Tony does than “well, my girlfriend said…” It pisses me off so much. If you don’t want spoilers, don’t click this link behind which I talk about my growing hatred for Pepper Stupid Potts. I can’t believe she’s named after my dog.


Who’s the best Pepper?

P.S. You probably noticed that I still don’t know if I’m going to get laid off. To my knowledge I am still employed thus far, and in fact may be employed for this entire week without knowing if it’s me on the list. Since I already had some really great getting laid off contingency plans, as well as some not getting laid off contingency plans, hearing that I may not know for at least one more week was basically the worst news I could have gotten. One more week of not knowing and not being able to do anything but impotently apply for jobs that never call me back. I’d be really frustrated if I weren’t almost completely numb. I can’t possibly deal with this stress any longer.

Don’t Say I Didn’t Warn You: Iron Man 3 Spoilers

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For fuck’s sake Pepper Potts, you giant white wet noodle. All you do is cry and I hate your wimpy, shitty guts. I mean, I thought I disliked you before, but this movie takes the cake.

  1. Your man just saved this entire planet from aliens, he has fucking PTSD and all you can do is be angry that he’s not good at gift buying? Your lack of perspective should be studied.
  2. Instead of addressing the fact that your partner has not slept (with you or anywhere) for upwards of three days you find yourself smelling other men. Men who you used to be thoroughly creeped out by when they were not hot. I want to choke you to death.
  3. Remember the movie before this one when you you were actually fucking rational and intelligent and didn’t just run around bitching about things and being fucking stupid? That was nice.
  4. Please do something, anything besides scream and cry.
  5. I mean, it was cool when you got to do your Iron Man drag and I liked that the writers eventually threw you a bone at the end and made you the she-hulk ex fire machina, but for real?
  6. And what the fuck is it with the ending?
  7. Talk about a woman afraid of her own power, are you serious with this shit? You just exploded the rapey fuckhole who turned you into a science experiment, you admitted that you could see how your man might not want to give up his own power, and instead of concluding that you should both occupy your own space with equal agency to act in defense of the fucking universe (do you even understand, the God damned universe, you twat?!) you…
  8. INSIST THAT HE BLOW UP HIS IRON MANS AND ARE CONTENT TO SEE ONE OF EARTH’S MAJOR DEFENSE SYSTEMS EXPLODE OVER YOUR STUPID BLOND HEAD LIKE FIREWORKS OMG WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU IF YOU HAD BEEN MARRIED TO MARTIN LUTHER KING WE’D STILL BE DRINKING AT SEPARATE FOUNTAINS YOU LACKING-VISION-ASS BITCH.

Ben says I might be projecting a little bit, and that if I weren’t so stressed out about the lay-offs at work, I’d feel differently about the plight of the poor, pitifully written mess that is Pepper Potts and that really my hatred should be directed at the lazy, misogynist writers who turned an otherwise competent (if stupidly dressed) woman like Pepper into the time bomb of awful we find in the third movie.

He’s not wrong.

What Is This Man’s Name

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Do you ever have a word on the tip of your tongue and it’s like one fifth of an almost sneeze for the ten minutes it takes you to either remember the word or forget that you were trying to remember it in the first place? Well, the last two days of my life have been like that and it’s practically killing me.

I have a song stuck in the back of my head and I can’t remember the tune, or the words, or anything else except that the singer is a big black dude who sings in a sort of high voice, the song is a kind of gospel/disco hybred and that one or more of the lyrics reference him being a little girl, a little boy, a little child, a grown woman or a grown man. Maybe all of the above.

Also, this is an artists rendering from either the album cover, or the music video.

Do you recognize this man/song? Please help me out here because I am completely at a loss.

While I’ve been writing this (more like distractedly trying to write it) Ben and I have been watching The Fabulous Beekman Boys on Netflix. My intention to have some pretty green background noise has completely backfired. We are enthralled. These dudes kind of almost hate each other, and we totally love them for it.

I’m partial to the controlling stressed-out little one and he’s more enamored of the giant scruffy one. Funny how that works out.


For reference: The boyf and I posing for our short-lived tumblr Fuck Yeah Same Hat

Oh, and since I wasn’t sleeping last night (who’s surprised by that turn of events?) I got to finish The Passion of Gengoroh Tagame and I liked it very much. Definitely worth the paltry $20 they’re charging for it. I told Ben some of the plots this morning and he said they were pretty standard porno manga fair, but Tegame likes to add his own little twist in at the end.

My favorite story was a shorter one about a feudal lord who is possessed by a daemon that makes him a sadistic warrior in battle, but that will drive him to hurt those he loves if his “tension” isn’t released. Having had to be fucked off many a ledge in my time, I felt a special affinity for the afflicted lord and his loyal samurai lover.

Those with a weak stomach for gore will probably want to stay away.


I’m just saying, if this is what they did to his tongue…

But several of the stories have a rather sweet twist that I really appreciate in my torture porn. If it seem like it might be up your alley, I suggest you make the investment. The art is really very good.

Barpies Before Harpies: God of War Traumatizes Feminist Dude

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Someone made this poor man from Ploygon play God of War: Ascension. And he was upset when, after brutally murdering a Harpie (lady daemon, very nasty shit) he got an achievement called “Bros Before Hos.”

I, personally, look forward to gender equity. So when a female baddie gets her ass handed to her in a most epic of fashions, I rejoice. Here is a woman that’s being taken so deadly seriously you have to kill her to stop her… just like the hundred thousand dudes you fucked up before her. But progress never happened except in tiny, maddening inches.

I also happen to really love bloody, messy dramatic action, slash, and violence. The reviewer found himself “stomaching the graphic gore” up until the harpie scene that threw him over the edge. I feel like if you have to stomach the gore in a God of War game, you’re playing the wrong game. I get that this guy’s a reviewer (I myself have some experience with that) so he can’t ick-quit whenever he wants like the rest of us can. But dude, have you not played a God of War game before? A puzzle in one of the other games can only be solved by shoving a random innocent man into a chamber to be torn apart by spinning spike columns while he yells and begs for you to save him. Another time Kratos uses the still living body of Poseidon’s mistress to prop open a door which then crushes and kills her. Or how about at the end of game 3 where Kratos beats Zeus so hard the entire screen turns red with backsplatter?

God of War is for people who like to pop the heads off their enemies and play fucking soccer with them. If you’re not down for that, you shouldn’t put yourself through it. Just because the harpie has tits does not make her some kind of protected class. Bad guys are bad guys, even when they’re girls. Rip that bitch apart. It would be sexist to do anything less.


When my situation ain’t improving, I’m tryna murder everything moving.

Me: I like the bros before hos achievement
I think it’s hilarious
I love Kratos
and I love the fact that he basically blade-fucks his way through entire populations
Benjamin: i’m disappointed babe
i thought you were a feminist
turns out you’re just another MAN
Me: yep
Benjamin: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Benjamin: i think the trophy is kind of funny
but i think it was probably a bad choice
like with that whole “cunt” thing
jokes need the right time, place, and audience
i don’t think this was the right time or place
Me: I don’t know
The audience that appreciates God of War will get that joke and love it
but because of the way communication is these days, there’s basically no place where you can speak to your own audience without a million other people who do not and will not get any part of your shit barging in and causing an uproar
like, you can use that to your advantage of course
but wither-to the fate of the noble cunt joke?
Benjamin: maybe, but I think it was still a bad choice
discussion of institutionalized mysoginy in the videogame industry has been kind of a hot topic lately
and this kind of stuff just makes it worse
Me: The harpie is evil
thus needs to be killed
which, in proper Kratos fashion, is brutally
Benjamin: i don’t think most people have an issue with the harpy’s brutal murder
it’s the issue that the act of killing her is then immediately put into a gender context by the accompanying trophy
Me: I know what you mean
and I get that
but it’s hilarious
Benjamin: eh, i honestly think you could make a much better “bros before hos” joke trophy
like
an interesting inversion
you have a fight where you are up against centaurs (male) and harpies (female)
kill all the centaurs without killing any harpies, and you get the trophy
bros before hos
you get to make your bros before hos joke
and by inverting the traditional “men are more important” meaning of the phrase, you get another layer of much less sexist humor
Me: Agreed
You should write for video games
Benjamin: i totally should

President’s Day 2013

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Happy President’s Day. Instead of my usual holiday repost, today I’m encouraging you to go back and look at my Die Hard Liveblog/Livestream series (Die Hard, Die Hard 2, Die Hard With a Vengeance, and Live Free or Die Hard ), the last of which I posted on Saturday. I had a lot of fun making them, and I think they’re pretty great.

We did see A Good Day to Die Hard, and to be honest I’m still sad about it. I thought that the critical response to Live Free or Die Hard was an indicator that A Good Day would be a good movie despite what blowhard art film fans had to say. I was wrong. 5 is a shit show. They took everything that made Die Hard a classic action series and replaced it with… nothing, as far as I could tell. There was no hardworking everyman sidekick who rises to the challenge fate has brought him. There was no John McClane being a snarky bitch to the bad guy. There wasn’t even a henchmen count down! This was a badly written fanfiction from someone who never really got it. For me, there are only 4 Die Hard movies.


MFW I think about Die Hard 5

Die Hard 4 Liveblog

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I like how hacking movies always make the back end of sites look super slick and full of awesome graphics.

Uh, Sir, it looks like we forgot how to Internet.

Dad, in the last movie You hadn’t called me for a year, and now you want to know why I’m half fucking a dude in a university parking lot and I won’t fucking answer your calls? Cat’s in the cradle, motherfucker.

“UPLOADING EXPLOSIVE VIRUS”

Seriously, who turns off their computer, like, ever?

If the fridge bit worked for Indiana Jones, why not John McClane?

Good call on asking your mom for Crate & Barrel’s “Elegantly Bulletproof” collection of bedroom furniture for Christmas!

Ima parkour your ass to death, John McClane!

Hackers, take heed. You may think you’re L33T, but some day some sexy ass bitch is going to blow up your apartment and you’re going to find yourself trapped in a car with Bruce Willis

Um, Mr. Oliphant, when I joined a criminal gang, I thought there would be less weaponry.

“Sir, someone just changed our Windows theme to ‘Rose’”
“We’re under attack!”

And here we have the Internet boy misogyny everyone talks so much about.

Hey guys, opponents are tapped into our radio signal and are leading us somewhere ominous, pull into this blind alley over here.

“Hey bad guy, you look a little… hot. Maybe you should… cool off”

“What? Mr. Oliphant, how can you order me to kill people after I just killed, like, 20 people?!”

BEST LINE
“You just killed a helicopter with a car!”
“I was out of bullets.”

Where would the heroes of the world be without douche bag bad guys who can’t be assed to confirm kill?

Watching movies with hackers in them whit nerds is the best.

Now we know why Social Security is always close to bankrupt, they’re spending their money on THE PRETTIEST SERVERS IN HISTORY. Also, apparently taping DVD drives to them.

Oh shit, the government sent Tuvak. This must be serious.

“Sir, John McClane is on the line… he want’s to know what you’re going to wear tomorrow so you guys can match up.”

“WHAT IF HELP WILL NEVER CUM… SHIT. SOME… SHIT COME. WHAT IF HELP WILL NEVER COME. DAMN YOU AUTO ERECT!1!”

“He’s a digital Jedi, but not a real Jedi. Real Jedi have a minimum weight limit.

“Had to be John McClane. Someone else might have gotten it wrong.”

This is why you don’t pick your side-kicks for sexiness, Oliphant. Your L33T hacker bitch types with her first two fingers like a stroke victim Lewis Black impersonator.

This is what happens when you get complacent at your career. You make mistakes and let shit slip by you that would ordinarily stand out. For example: THAT BITCH IS NOT DEAD.

McClane, I hit that douche with a pipe for you, bro!

Remember when we murdered your girlfriend and we told you about it? SCREENCAPPED THAT SHIT.

“I gotta go, I gotta go!”
“McClane?”
“Pizza’s here!”

“You cna fly one of these, right?”
“Apparently.”

“Oh, like I know about Thomas Gabrielle, what do you think, all us hackers know each other? You’re fucking racist.”

Let’s tie her wrist, but nothing else, because zip ties are expensive you guys!

“And what’s Woodlawn?”
“It’s where we keep all our porn.”

“You, get away from the bag, now!”
“But it’s Prada!”
[I know I already used that one on Monday, but I love it so.]

“Kill this guy, and I’ll give you Mai’s cut. It’s 80% penis. Just saying.”

“I thought your name was Genero, Lucy Genero”
“Not today. I have multiple personalities”

Looks like you will get Mai’s cut after all!

John McClane gets blown to bits by the Air Force, Matt gets shot and Lucy is raped repeatedly. Anally. And then shot. In the anus.

YOU CRASHED 20 JETS!

Rule number 1 of gun safety, never point the weapon at yourself.

Part 1:



Video streaming by Ustream

Part 2:



Video streaming by Ustream

For some fun leg cramp action. scrub to 57 mins.

For some reason, it decided to break it into 2 parts. I don’t know. I guess you get what you pay for.

Like my Die Hard liveblog/livestreams from Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, the Die Hard 4 party will be tonight at 5:00 p.m. PST followed by a journey to the theater for Die Hard 5.

Of course we won’t be broadcasting the movie, but you can watch along with us on your on copy. Amazon Instant Video also has a 24-hour rental for $2.99

Graze.com Review

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So the other day fellow podcast fan and twitter friend Grus posted about his Graze snack pack on twitter, and I thought to myself ‘I like snacks.’ So I clicked the link and I learned, much to my joy, that thanks to Grus’s code, my first and fifth graze boxes were free, and the others were $5 each.

They have two box options (lite and regular), each with four snacks in them. I got the regular box, which is still pretty low cal compared to some other snacks a person might encounter, say in their local vending machine. After that I went through the site and rated what I thought I might like to receive from Graze. They have a multitude of snacks to choose from, they’re all labeled with helpful icons to determine which are low cal, high fiber, packed with vitamins and so on. Then I waited. I was expecting the first box around Monday or Tuesday, but I wasn’t really sure when it was supposed to come. Wednesday morning I got an email from Graze that some of the boxes were taking a little bit of time to show up. Ten minutes later: Graze box on my desk.

Isn’t that pretty?

So far, I have received two boxes from Graze, both on Wednesday. I liked everything in the box, and unlike the high sugar/high carb snacks I might have otherwise eaten, graze snacks didn’t leave me hungry again after a few minutes. Everything tastes extremely fresh. My only complaint about graze is that I can’t buy more of it. I wish I could order larger bags of my favorites, but then if I did that, I wouldn’t get to taste new things every week, and half the fun is ripping the box open to see what I got. I’m definitely a fan. Although I should say that if you happen to be a picky eater, or allergic to nuts, Graze probably isn’t for you. While you can rate the things you like, and trash the things you never want to get, there isn’t much ability to pick what comes. They are extremely vegetarian and vegan friendly, so that’s a plus.

They’re doing a limited release, so you have to be invited to join from someone already enrolled. Fortunately for you guys, I happen to have a code. The first four people to go to Graze and enter the code H177KTM will get their first box free. This isn’t a deal I’m doing with them or anything. Every graze customer gets the same option. They auto-charge every week, but the boxes can be pushed back or cancelled at any time, even after the free box. I encourage people who get graze and like it to share their coupon code in the comments if they don’t have anybody else in mind for it so we can keep this thing going as long as we can.

Die Hard 3 Liveblog

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Sorry we started late, I had to use it. And then I was hungry. Anyway, now we’re starting

I bombed this department store because I had a very important question to ask LT. McClane. Will you be my valentine?

“Let’s see, I’m wearing a I HATE N WORDS” sandwich board, I’ll walk towards this little old lady obviously on her way to church.

Bomb guys, am I right?

Is there any point in this movie where the song Ebony and Ivory plays in the background?

“I understand that you’re a fucking wacko that likes to play kid games” GET IT

“I’m about to get tied to this Honkey who is barely a fucking cop and doesn’t even have a shirt. Fuck. My. Whole. Life.” -Zues internal monologue.

“You stole 20 cabs!”

The way Sam Jackson is sitting in this cab is the same way my grandma sat when she was teaching me to drive.

“And then a man ran into the subway car and told me to OPEN MY LEGS. So I screamed. And he ran away,” -This lady totally missing the point.

Oh no, my peanut butter and jelly shake is all ruined!

OMG, is anybody else having Mass Effect 2 ending flash backs right now?

If your flashback is more crisp and vibrant than the actual event, you might be in an action movie.

The one day Zues’s criminal-ass nephews actually go to school…

Hook, line und zinker.

You know, all city engineers wear $5000 suits and talk like some kinda deaf Brit.

Number 3 bad guy likes to keep his hairspray close at hand.

The new bombagachi pets. Feed it and pet it and it won’t blow you apart.

This movie is a lesson to people of color: you can’t hold decades of institutionalized racism against the people in power, it only makes you less able to help them prevent a major tragedy.
Sadly, it’s basically true.

That’s funny, I gave them the bomb, then they spoke German for a little bit, and then they walked into an unmarked car and drove away like they were trying to catch something.

New rule: If you’re John McClane and you hear a shitty American accent, just fucking start punching fucking everything.

“You got a map?” “Yeah, right here next to my Discman.”

Check out this fridge that nobody ordered, that was delivered this morning, and that seems to be filled with bombs. Do you think it’s something?

You better roll up the window motherfucker.

This is why they told the children in the Sandy Hook drills that they might be shot by some motherfucker. So they realize the gravity of the situation.

We’re going to wait until we are extra sure these children will not clear the blast radius.

Letting your friends go into battle with the safety on. Completely uncool.

Oh shit. I’m on my period.

Commiserating about hold times with terrorists.

“What the fuck are you doing?”
“Trying to take a shit, shut up.”

John McClane hasn’t spoken to his wife or his children in a year. AKA The reason Lucy McClane sucks so many strange dicks.

The explosion blows apart Zeus’s hands, forever destroying his livelihood and effectively ending his ability to function as a man.



Video streaming by Ustream

Like my Die Hard liveblog/livestream from Monday and Tuesday, the Die Hard 3 party will be tonight at 7:30 p.m. PST. Then on Saturday we’ll watch Die Hard 4 at my house followed by a journey to the theater for Die Hard 5.

Of course we won’t be broadcasting the movie, but you can watch along with us on your on copy. Amazon Instant Video also has a 24-hour rental for $2.99