Category: Commentary

Why I Am Yelling: A Brief Synopsis

Because the wolf is no longer at the gate. He closed the gate. On us. In here. With him. And you don’t seem to feel this rage terror I feel like bile closing off my throat. Why can’t you feel this?

Because a white feminist who was THERE FOR IT when I was bitching about men told me I was “too aggressive” when I said very similar things about white people.

Because in high school someone wrote DYKE on my locker in 5 inch tall block letters and I changed it to say “THE DYKE THAT FUCKS YOUR MOM.”

Because another time a boy told me I should be nice to him or he’d kick my fat dyke ass and I grabbed him by the back of the neck when we were alone and I whispered that there were a hundred of us and we were all coming for him and he never talked to me again.

And no one ever had to ask that girl why she was yelling. And she never felt like that question wasn’t a question but an admonishment.

To be clear: I never want to be her again, but she’s still me, and I need to be me.

Especially since I keep telling other people to be themselves.

Because the KKK is in Portland, where I thought I might be safe.

Just like the KKK was in Orange County where I got the education that, more than anything else, taught me how to talk like I had earned my place in this world.

By which I mean the world where I am erased into whiteness, and collapsed into womanhood. Where I experience the benefits of my passing, as long as I don’t get too smart or too weird or “too aggressive.”

But I was okay with that because I thought it meant safety.

So now I have to talk to the police like they serve me even when I am pants shitting scared they might put hands on me.

Because I almost forgot who I am. But not completely.

Most girls are rewarded for niceness. Especially white girls. And they are punished severely when they aren’t nice. “Nice girls don’t do that” frequently means that bad girls do… whether they want to or not.

But how many women get herded into compromising situations by rapists and other criminals because they didn’t want to be rude?

Because nobody told these nice girls that once you’re a bad girl… bad and a girl… bad at being a girl… the freedom of choice is yours. Sometimes you have to choose whether they fuck you or kill you trying. But that’s one more choice than a nice girl gets.

Because I learned at a young age that when you’re outmanned and outgunned, the last available move is to make them destroy you.

I was never rewarded for niceness. Niceness was a trap. Nice girls got raped. So I made my choice and I don’t regret it.

That young me, the one I worked so hard to forget being–the one I find myself looking and talking like more and more after so much money and so much practice to be somebody else–she thought this was a moral choice.

But it’s not. It’s a simple game of would you rather. Would you rather be a nice girl, or would you rather catch a beating?

Of course, that was only true in my house. But I carry it into the world like a universal truth. The only way I know to actually keep myself safe. If you can call it that.

Ultimately, I am yelling because I can take a punch, but I can’t take a dick and if the wolf really is inside the gates like I know he fucking is, it’s about time to make that choice and start that fight.

“There will be a time when we must choose between what is right and what is easy”

-Albus Dumbledore

A lot of people are really excited for 2016 to be over. They think the year is the problem. I am sorry to say they will be disappointed. Please understand that bad things will happen to you in 2017 too.

Bad things will always happen.

The only choice you have in this matter is what you will do about it.

Will you turn your misfortune into a positive force through art or work or truth-telling?

Will you look around and try to prevent this from happening to someone else? To support those of use for whom it has also happened?

Will you hide? Deny? Lie?

Whatever side of the political spectrum you are on, President Trump will test this country. American political corruption is no longer implied. It is explicit and it is blatant.

What do you believe in?
What do you stand for?
What will you do to protect it?

I’m not asking for any great sacrifice here. I just want you to know who you are. It’s the only way to save us. For each of us to decided what we stand for and to stand for it. Now, next month, next quarter; when things are good and when they are bad. What are you for? Be that now. Your country needs you to be that now.

Drinking Hate for Breakfast: A Liberal Welcomes President Trump

So that happened. 

And my timelines are filled with good, smart, strong people utterly shocked that their country hates them. That in 2016 a candidate can come to power on a bigotry ticket and win. I feel the same combination of intense jealousy, pity, and grief that I do when bad things happen to people who’s parents loved them. 

It’s true, America hates you.

So many of us have known this our whole lives. We learned it in the way police spoke to our parents, the way our parents spoke back to them. In the way our teachers spoke and allowed other classmates to speak to us and treat us and the way our parents dealt with that as well. I have been told to keep my head down my whole life. To keep my voice down. To never look angry. 

For one reason or another; my race, my poverty, my unwillingness to play the feminine submissive has been a threat to the good people of this country. That applies to you too. If nobody told you until this day that your country hates you because they fear you, I’m sorry it’s shocking, it’s time to own that reality. 

As the novelist Attica Luck said in an interview this morning “I’m not crushed. I’m awake to what my country is telling me.” 

If President Trump wakes you up to the racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia and white supremacist agenda in America, then I welcome him. 

Things are going to happen that will diminish this day in your memory. For better or for worse. Whatever you do, don’t let it get so small in your personal history that you don’t remember how it felt to wake up blasted with the weight of half America’s explicit hatred. Don’t fight this feeling. Let it in. 

When you know you are hated, you are freed from the expectation that you will make compromises to avoid what is already true. So America hates you. What will you do about it?

Drink it up. Let it inform your actions. Don’t hide. Don’t tiptoe around bigot feelings, don’t sit next to your racist Uncle at Thanksgiving, don’t brush it off when men dismiss you, don’t assume that people of color in confrontation with the police are safe. Don’t waste this feeling. This opportunity. 

Use that hatred to fuel your offense. Lay seige to those who would have us dissappear from our own country. Who would tag us and curtail our rights in our “free” country. Who would institutionalize and outright murder every threat to themselves: from queers to people of color to people who get abortions. 

The shades have fallen away this morning and I am ready for the fight to come. What about you?

How To Be A Liberal When There Is No God

I feel like I’ve been inundated with images of racist, classist victories. One scroll through my timeline and I see police in riot gear hitting DAPL protestors with sticks, white supremacist terrorists The Bundy Gang going free with no consequences, police at Portland City Hall pushing protestors down the stairs, hitting them with fists and batons and pepper spraying them, and for some reason a video of a 2015 arrest in which a officer kicks Hector Medina-Pena in the face, breaking his jaw while he was clearly on all fours on the ground in a prone position.

Writer and educator Annie Lamott posted an extremely nice thing for people who believe in God, but for the rest of us, “have faith” is just a little too much to ask in a world that already asks so much of us to begin with.

The first thing to do when injustice has us down is to make sure we don’t perpetuate that shitty behavior in our own lives. We have to take care of ourselves. When you’re feeling defeated, angry, tired, you’re no good to anyone. Turn off the computer, put the phone in a drawer and do something you have control over. Set the parameters of your activity so that success is assured. Then stop and do something else. This last bit I am very bad at, but this post isn’t about me.

The second thing is to embrace the gray areas. A black and white world may be easy in the moment, but it’s not the truth. When you look closely, you see that there are peaks and valleys, even in the most straightforward racist bullshit. We are not the heroes fighting a great enemy. We are the heroes fighting the heroes, both fighting a great enemy. Live in the paradox.

The officer who broke Hector Medina-Pena’s jaw believed he was apprehending a man who had just robbed a strip club and threatened the clerk with a gun, a crime Hector confessed to in May. Does committing a robbery justify a police officer breaking your jaw while you crouch on the pavement unarmed? Only a fascist would think that. Which is the problem. We’re not just fighting against the racist system that sets up white men who kick unarmed men of color in the face to be heroes, we’re fighting against a population who really believe fascism is the answer. Whether they know that or not, the eye for an eye set are frothing at the mouth for fascism.

Which is why we should closely examine the little voice that says that maybe that police officer could use a kick in the face to balance the scales. Maybe if he knew what it was like to feel his jaw fracture while laying prone on the ground as the literal boot of the oppressor crashes down onto his head, perhaps he would neglect to take such joy in future assaults? It’s important to look at our own relationship with fascist fantasies as they apply to our worldview and not just for the opposition.

Finally, we look to history. It feels bad now, but didn’t it feel bad when the Ohio National Guard opened fire on Kent State Students, murdering four peaceful protestors? Didn’t it feel hopeless when MLK was assassinated? Medgar Evers, Ruben Salazar, Malcom X? You can kill a man, but you can’t kill an idea. You can acquit a terrorist gang, but you can’t erase the footage of them bragging and laughing as they deface Paiute artifacts. You can hit peaceful protestors with sticks, hell you can shoot them, and they have before, but the wheels of progress keep turning.

The definition of liberalism is that we push the boundaries of tradition. What passed for liberal thought 20 years ago is regressive today. This is a fight we will not win. At best, we might live to become the conservative scourge we so revile. Now doesn’t that make you feel better?

Stop Telling People to Call Their Parents.


I found this on a blog post called “How Not to Be a Garbage Human” and there’s no way I’m linking to that trash. Also it was a promoted post and I can’t find it again.

There’s also a podcast I used to listen to where the host told people to call their mom at the end of he show, but that’s recently changed to “call your person” so it sounds like other people wrote the email I was to tired to write, so thanks guys.

It’s fucking mean to tell people to call their parents. And not just people like me who have an estranged relationship with one or more of them. Parents also die, get Alzheimers, sink into depression and on and on.

Basically, its a garbage human move to assume everybody is like you and has access to parents.

How to be a #NastyWoman

Tell people about yourself. Specifically how great you are.

Fashion don’t? More like Fashion don’t give a fuck what you shitlords think.

Fuck. However you like. With whomever you like.

Call out rapists and their rape-apologist bros.

Don’t ask. Tell.

Get shit done.

Be unapologetically, blissfully ugly.

Speak truth to power. And liars.

Say no when you mean no.

And yes when you mean yes.

Always #BossBitch. #BossBitch always.

Reject trans-exclusionary feminism

Reject white racist feminism

Don’t back down. No matter what they call you.

Republicans Only Care About Women They Own

For everybody asking why the Republican party only speaks out against Trump when he denigrates white women, I have the answer. 

These conservatives are only  appalled at Trump’s presumptions over something they think they have ownership over: white womanhood. The sacred white mother has been a political haven for despicable racists and sexists since Sojourner Truth and it still is today. That’s why they’ll fall on their swords now rather than let anybody see behind the curtain of their chivalry. The hand of protection these bastards extend to their precious wives and mothers is a cage called the patriarchy. 

And if it’s not, where is their conviction when it comes to reproductive health, sex ed, equal pay, processing rape kits, electing women to public office, lesbian and transgender rights, and on and on for literally millennia. If the only thing you jump to defend is a white woman’s vagina and who gets to “grab” it, the reason is because you have first grabbing rights and you’re mad somebody tried to take it. Stop lying misogynist  shitlords.

Trump Dildo

Hey bros. Cool new thing.

It’s called Trump Dildo and you should get onto it dudes.

Regular Trump is boring.

Also he is lame.



Trump Dildo is cool.


Also he’s a dildo. Post Trump Dildo for coolness, Internet friend.

The Logical, Educated Argument for Replacing Every Picture of Donald Trump with this Dildo in Trump Hair

This is Donald Trump
This is Donald Trump

This is for all y’all Democrats because I know you love this cerebral wordy college shit.

Michael Moore has said he believes only satire can bring Trump down. So far,  Democrat offerings in that regard tend to be smug, overly-analytical and rely heavily on irony. A concept most of us only pretend to understand in order to justify the crippling student loan debt we acquired at 18 and will likely carry with us into retirement. We could have purchased a farmhouse in Missouri, but who wants to live in a fly-over state, am I right?*

Very few people fail to understand the concept of a dildo. It’s fake beef. A plastic, orangey substitute for what you really need. It has no pulse, no soul, and sometimes the dog finds it under your pillow and chews it’s sad helpless head off. It’s literally filler.

Thus, the humble dick joke. Uniter of wo(men). We already know from His inability to take a simple finger-mocking that Trump is fundamentally insecure, particularly about the size of his no-doubt underperforming penis. What better way to bring us all together behind this ineffectual tool than to ensure that a vote for Trump is explicitly a vote for Dildo.

Are you, Trump supporter, afraid of change? Are you angry that your elected officials don’t seem to work with you at all? Look on this Trump Dildo and despair. Don’t be swayed by Trump’s empty promises. Don’t forsake the real world for 5-speeds of artifice claiming to make your cunt America great again. Don’t be fooled by the technological marvel of his carefully sculpted dome, I implore you. Do you think that Trump validates your race fear (also known as racism)? Do you believe that he will keep you safe from those unpatriotic fucks who would import illegal immigrants at the same speed at which they export your jobs? I have terrible news for you. Donald Trump’s word is his bond in the same way that this cold, plastic buggerclaw  is your God damned boyfriend, do you get me?

Therefore we must draw back the curtain on this fool, my collegiate fellows and Dildo Trump is the way. Please cease this senseless overestimation of our quarry. The Trump voter will only appreciate our thesis in dick form. Go forth and propagate this image. For democracy. For America.

*This kind of shitty cultural elitism is why were losing to the human dildo, Trump, by the way.

Important reminder about the Hillary/Trump fight

We are too busy fighting over who is the Hitler (race-bating Trump or election-fixing Hilary). We are missing the fact that this is (hopefully) the culmination of a racist agenda, not of whites against the rest of us, but of the super rich against the American people; using the only leverage that is more powerful that money: culture. You see, super rich people tell the racial majority in this country that it is not their (the middle class) fault they can’t buy all the things that are marketed to them. It’s their (minority groups) fault. Those minority groups are taking white jobs and pushing good white Christians (as opposed to bad Muslims and other heathens of color) out of a market they are entitled to dominate. This is done to hide the fact that the true fault belongs to union busting thugs (like Trump) and their ineffectual career politician lap dogs (like Hillary) who keep the rif raf down by removing options and pitting the common people against each other, not as part of a vast conspiracy, but because it’s good business. 

In a world where business can (legally) only measure success in terms of money and not economic or social value, this becomes best practice. 

It’s true that we have to vote for one of these animals. I think anybody reading this would agree with me that Hillary is the least Hitler of the two. I mean, only one of these freaks is advocating to make minorities carry special ID and it’s not her.