Halloween 2014 Liveblog in Real Time

Hi, I’m liveblogging Halloween. You may know me from such liveblogs as Election Day 2012, Die Hard, and Night Traffic Court.

12:00 a.m.

It is now officially Halloween. LET THE LIVEBLOG BEGIN!

Didn’t want to leave out the rest of the family…

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1:00 a.m.

In bed early! Big day tomorrow!

9:00 a.m.

I had a dream that all of Ben’s friends were dating werewolves, and that we moved to Washington because it’s better to incorporate there. Also that I worked so much I didn’t even know what my own house looked like.

Reading business books all the time is having a weird effect on my subconscious.

10:00 a.m.

The thing about working for yourself is, you’re working from the second you wake up until the second you go to sleep. Then, when you’re asleep, you dream of work.

But at least you can spend some of that work time in your bed, warm and safe under the covers. I never want to live in a world without smartphones.

10:36 a.m.

Obligatory laundry selfie

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10:45 a.m.

Obligatory cold call selfie

Fun fact: 80% of my new and  returning business comes from clients I got through cold calling. So if you're wondering why people cold call, it's because it works.
Fun fact: 80% of my new and returning business comes from clients I got through cold calling. So if you’re wondering why people cold call, it’s because it works.

12:12 p.m.

The eternal question. At least when it comes to Arby’s.

1:25 p.m.

Breakfast:

Then I stepped in a puddle.

3:30 p.m.

Working. Obligatory working screencap:

5:25 p.m.

When nobody’s biting, and it’s the last day of the month, don’t kill yourself, paint your nails!

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Also, probably eat some lunch because you’re getting morose.

6:10 p.m.

Lunch! You complete me.

And laundry:

6:30 p.m.

Getting ready to put my ghost tour face on.

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6:45 p.m.

Done!

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7:10 p.m.

Take pride in your almost entirely completed to-do list

Some of those unchecked boxes are things to do on Monday. And one of them got done after I took the picture, but before I wrote this entry. Just saying.

7:40 p.m.

Tour time.

10:57 p.m.

Tour done. It was awesome, as usual. Who doesn’t love two plus hours of walking and yelling?

11:15 p.m.

Dinner. It’s fast food. Only God can judge me.

11:35 p.m.

Pepper had an exciting night at home with Ben.

She’s a little frazzled.

11:45 p.m.

Apparently I got a little overzealous with the candy purchases.

11:59 p.m.

Halloween is done. If I had it to over, I would have eaten lunch about an hour earlier. Otherwise, all around great day.

Your bank was dumb, I’m glad I left

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Five years ago, I switched to a credit union. It was the best decision I’ve ever made.

I was originally a Washington Mutual customer, and I loved it there. I frequently wondered what I’d ever do if WaMu folded since all my friends seemed to have such consistently horrible service from their banks. So when Chase took over, I wasn’t really surprised when it seemed like they were only into fucking every one of us with a huge, ungreased dog dick.

The last straw came when they changed their check deposit policy and didn’t tell me until after I’d deposited a check into my account. At the time, I had to pay my rent with a money order, and since the check hold went from no time to three days, they ensured that my rent would be late.

Looking back, what I should have done is payed the rent with a personal check, and hoped for the best. That apartment management company was so severely fucked, I bet they wouldn’t have noticed. Or they would have charged me for late payment, which is what happened anyway.

Instead, I tried to get the bank manager to fix it, seeing as how I had been a loyal customer for many years, hadn’t overdrawn in years, and never for long even when I had overdrawn as a teenager. The manager told me he’d fix everything the next day, shooed me out of his store and then refused to answer any of my calls when nothing was fixed when he said it would be. I called every hour. I was so pissed. I probably would have driven over to bitch him out in person, except that I took the train to work at that time, and by the time I got back to my branch, it would have been closed.

That was the day I took my lunch hour to go to the Chase next to my work and close my account. I then went to my work’s credit union, opened a checking account, applied for a signatory loan, and the rest is history.

People are nice to me at the credit union. After I paid off that signatory loan, they gave me a line of credit built into my account so I never overdraw. If I pay my car loan on time, they give me December off. When I was going into the bank regularly, they knew my name. I am extremely happy with my bank, and it’s all thanks to Chase. If they hadn’t been such unmitigated shit-bags, and delivered some of the worst customer service I’ve ever experienced (the manager was only the last in a long line of extremely unpleasant straws), I would never know what it is to be truly happy with my financial institution. Even my beloved WaMu (may she rest in peace) couldn’t have hoped to be so awesome.

So thank you, Chase, for sucking so very much. You receive zero stars.

Always.

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In other news, can I just say how tired I am of books where the main character is a general shit, as well as unskilled in his profession, and I’m supposed feel some sort of deep connection with him and consider his incompetence to be adorable? Because fuck that.

Men on Seamonsters – Review of Rise of the Thing Below

cover52738-mediumRise of the Thing Down Below by Daniel W. Kelly

Thanks to Net Galley and Bold Strokes Books for the review copy.

In this third installment of the Comfort Cove series, private dick Deck Waxer is once again on the case. When men on the gay island paradise start washing up disembodied on the beach, it’s up to Deck and his friends to solve the mystery before the mysterious murder-spree is discovered by the populace.

Having never read a Comfort Cove book before, I felt like the author did a good job of catching new readers up to speed without overwhelming us with info that may or may not be relevant to book three. We also meet three new characters, and learn some interesting facts regarding what I presume is the larger plot stretching through all the Comfort Cove books.

This book reminded me a lot of the literary stylings of Zavo in terms of there being readily available sex between extremely well-built and joyfully horny men around every corner. They go much farther than Zavo in that the sex tends to be anything but the vanilla oral/anal combo we know so well from the Jake Slater books. Sex in the Comfort Cove universe is almost gamified, even outside of the context where it is literally a series of carnival games. I wouldn’t even call it hot so much as it’s mentally intriguing, and i don’t think I’d change a thing, because while I can think of a dozen books with more stimulating sex scenes, I can’t think of any with more interesting ones, and that’s the true beauty of Daniel Kelly.

If you ever wanted to know, for example what an entire carnival full of sex games would look like, or how a two foot tall man would fuck a giant, or even just what life would be like on an island entirely populated by confident, disease free gay men in their sexual primes, The Rise of the Thing Below is for you. Bonus murder mystery.

5 stars out of 5 for knowing what it is, and being that extremely well.

15 Movies – Part 3

15 movies that stuck with me, in no particular order, part 3

11. The Doom Generation: The one that started it all, the movie that cemented my devotion Gregg Araki and post-modern queer cinema in a single night, and thank the fat busted Jesus that the Hollywood Video in Glendora, ass crack of suburbia, had it on the shelf. All do respect for the Godfather, John Waters, our exulted creator, but his movies never spoke to me the way Araki’s did. They belong to the West coast and the 90s in same absolute way that Water’s all belong to Baltimore and the 80s. If you know what I mean. I wrote my thesis on the post-modern satire of Araki’s Nowhere, arguably his best work. The professor asked me what grade I thought I should get. I said a B. And I got a B. I still wonder if there was any actual criteria for my grade beyond what I felt I should get. It would be sort of perfect if there wasn’t. Considering the subject matter.

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12. Shelter: It’s hard to put my finger on why exactly I love this movie so much. The plot is middling, the dialog is basically awful. And yet, it pulls on my heart strings every time I watch it. Young artist reunites and forms a friendship with his absent best friend’s older brother and they fall in love amidst the drama of poverty paired with dysfunctional family drama. The shots of San Pedro and Laguna Beach more than make up for the mistaken portrayal of those two far apart cities as being next to each other. It sounds boring when I say that the cinematography is the best thing about this film, but the perfectly framed shots, long pans of the ocean, and moody switches between love story and family story are the reason nobody notices the crap dialog or the shaky plot. I could turn the sound off and watch this whole film, and every second would be perfect. The acting of the two mains compensates for the dialog and the plot as well, although supporting roles aren’t reliable. I didn’t think that much of it the first time I saw it, but I find myself watching it over and over. Especially when I want something beautiful to zone out to.

13. Cool World: Young Brad Pitt, young(er) Kim Basinger… what’s not to love? Slutty cartoon temptress Holli Would tries to trick her creator into making her a real girl, but everything goes horribly wrong. I watched this movie with my dad when I was a kid, then I found it again in high school in the dollar bin at the library. It’s amazingly campy.

14. SLC Punk: I used to think this movie was so important. It spoke to me, man. If there’s ever any indication to what a tool I was, it’s the fact that I thought SLC Punk was deep. But I still love it. The hair, the angst. The teen-age declarations of truth, beauty, and the American way. It stinks of nostalgia. It’s probably been my most favorite movie for the longest period of time.

15. I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry: I get so much shit for liking Adam Sandler, and I don’t care. I love him and I want to lick his face. People will call me a philistine, and maybe I am, but Sandler movies, in addition to being about directionless man-children, are also about loving your friends and your family, being there for them and supporting them no matter what. When Sandler is good, he’s heart-clenchingly good. As in angelic, and Chuck and Larry is a prime example of this. When you love your bros, you’ll do anything for them. Up to and including gay marrying them so their kids don’t lose their health insurance. Or whatever weird reason they had to get married for.

Halloween Nails

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Sadly, I don’t have much else to contribute.

I binge watched some of the new shows. Forever is like New Amsterdam, except not broody, and not nearly as vapid. I think it works. I like it, and I want it to do well. The big bugaboo mystery that they’re starting is sort of a whatever for me, but I understand why they need it. Maybe I’ll settle down and be into it as we go along.

Selfie is actually way more engaging than I thought it would be. Come for the Karen Gillian/John Show ship, stay for the Karen Gilliam/Accessories OTP. It’s trying to make me feel Better Off Ted feels, and it’s almost kind of nearly there. The casual sexual assault the boss seems to visit on the entire office is for sure an analogy for how C-suite dick bags are raping our country. I’m in for now.

I watched exactly 15 minutes of Blackish before Ben made me turn it to a drama. He hates sitcoms. I think I’m onboard. I laughed my ass off a couple of times. And I relate to a lot of the shit going on. You don’t want to be promoted or hired just because of your ethnicity, but ethnicity is kind of a selling point in some places, so you use it, but then you don’t want to get labeled, but you also don’t want to be a sell out… the struggle is real. I’m definitely going to watch more. I’m not sure how they’re going to make a whole show about it, but I always think that about sitcoms. The sits always seem to get so stale.

Anyway. Work is, of course and as usual, taking up all of my time and brain power which is why it’s basically all I can do at the end of the day to turn on the Hulu and paint my damn nails.

15 Movies – Part 2

15 movies that stuck with me, in no particular order, part 2. Read part one here

6. Tank Girl: The fact that Lori Petty is apparently kind-of a bitch doesn’t stop me from loving some Tank Girl. I have the comics too. At least, some of them. There’s kind of a long tail on the Tank Girl story. Apparently at least one person is still making comics. Although I’m pretty sure the last iteration needed a Kickstarter to fund it, despite it’s legacy and cult status. If you want an idea of how well that’s going…

7. Die Hard: This is the only Christmas movie anyone will ever need. It’s got everything. Blood, sweat and twinkly lights. And, setting a bad bitch precedent, Holly Gennaro-McClane is a stunning counter-point to hero John McClane. It’s a family favorite. Get on board.

8. Sliding Doors: The plot follows two versions of the same life. One in which the main character makes her train, and one in which she doesn’t. I used to watch it every time I felt worried about the outcome of something. Until feminist Ben pointed out that in each version of the movie her life is only okay when she meets the right man. Everything else she accomplishes along the way is basically meaningless. So now I can’t watch it anymore.

9. Legally Blond: This is my new go-to movie for down times. Elle is smart, strong, resourceful, and energetic. Even though there is a romantic component in the movie, her achievement hardly has anything to do with him. It’s basically the most feminist film on the market.

10. The Birdcage: I wanted Robin Williams and Nathan Lane to be my dads so badly the first time I saw this movie. I rewatched it recently and, man Val only gets more obnoxious with age. He was such a butthole. Look, dude, if you’d rather have Calista Flockhart, than the powerhouse duo of Williams and Lane, you can have her. Leave the cool artist dads to me, take your basic bitch lady and die in suburbia.