There’s never a justification for having sex with someone who either can not or does not consent to having sex with you.
Non-consensual sex includes sexual touching not related to penetration. No means no. No matter what the fucking law says.
Though you may feel shame for abuse you have suffered in the past, the abuse itself is nothing to be ashamed of.
The threat of violence is abusive, even if violence itself never occurred, or was strangely mild.
The threat of rape is abusive, even if the rape itself never occurred or consent was given under duress.
Repeatedly asking for sex, sulking if you don’t get sex, or shaming someone for not having sex or engaging in sex play with you is shitty and immoral. Any sex you have as a result of this behavior is coerced, and is therefore not consensual.
Incestuous rape is a real thing. So is coercive incest. If this has happened to you, you are not alone.
You don’t have to talk to, see, visit, or engage with anyone you don’t want to do this with. On any level, at any time. This includes family dinners, holidays, and work functions.
It is not productive to be dismissive of someone’s trauma. Even if people have been dismissive of your trauma in the past. That was wrong.
If you don’t have anything nice to say, find a safe space and say it all. Repeat it. Write it down. Don’t stay quiet.
Abusers and rapists thrive on silence. They want you to stay quiet so they can find more victims.
Silence as a result of trauma is common.
Crimes or assaults that happen as a result of your silence are not your responsibility. They’re the sole responsibility of the criminal who committed them.
Your safety is your priority. Nothing else should come before it.
2 Replies to “It’s Important to Say”
I would add to the list: If the person you want to have sex with feels like they can’t articulate that they want sex even when they actually do, they’re not mature enough to have sex with.
Every time a standard of consent even as basic as “no means no” comes up, comment sections get flooded with idiots talking about how girls don’t really mean no because one time pushing through no eventually got them boob-touching privileges, or how girls think they’re weird or gay if they ask for consent. To which I say: those girls shouldn’t be having sex, and you shouldn’t be having sex with them. If you can’t say “I want to get boned”, you aren’t mature enough to bone, period.
A thousand times this.
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