Straight Bartenders. Yuck.

I had one more Facebook request yesterday after I’d already written my blog:


Which, of course, I will be honoring. Although I don’t know if I’m really qualified to speak on this topic. Not being gay, a guy, or into bars or bartenders has me at kind of a disadvantage, and not for the first time.

Let’s take a moment to remember all the confused little gay boys who kissed me in high school hoping I’d turn into a prince… a sad disappointment for both of us, I’m afraid.

Moment’s over.

Since the majority of my bartender and/or club knowledge comes from books or TV, I feel like a bartender has one purpose: to make your drink. Otherwise, his interest re: pussy vs. dicks should remain his business.

Patron: I’ll take a gin and tonic

Bartender: Coming right up, and did you know I’m crazy about soft jazz?

See, I don’t think this would happen. I mean, unless it came up in conversation, and then I could see it getting annoying if you were in a rock club and Mr. Soft Jazz can’t keep his sax hole shut on how great the music they don’t play at this club is.

In this analogy, soft jazz is vagina. Because, let’s face it, it kind of is.

So, I guess what I’m trying to say is that, straight bartenders in gay clubs need to keep that shit to themselves. No need to be flaunting their sad, but very necessary, love of ladies all over a space that is clearly not theirs.

Straight dudes: the world is your oyster. You’re the top of the privilege ladder, although probably not socioeconomically because, you know, bartender, but otherwise, every square inch of this planet outside the gay club is made for you and basically only you.

I’m not going to come into your straight guy world and be all like “yeah, but what about dicks, because I like those.” Actually, I guess that’s kind of what I do. Like, constantly. But I’m just one woman. The balance of this planet is still very much pro the straight male gaze. Cool it in the queer space, maybe?

I like how I basically just decided, based on one line of text and no practical experience, that straight bartenders are going into gay clubs and shouting about how much they love ladies, making all the gay patrons uncomfortable. At this blog, we deal in cold, hard facts, people.