Tagged: batman

So It’s Thursday

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It’s Tuesday here, and tomorrow I’ll be having the longest day of my year, so I thought I’d try to take care of Thursday’s blog right now, just in case I don’t get a chance to write it tomorrow, although hopefully I’ll have some pics or something from the hospital itself. Of course, I have no fucking idea what to write about.

I asked twitter, and @superbus was like “We just DROPPED AN RV ON MARS” which was great, don’t get me wrong, but there are about a hundred million other, better articles about the Mars rover than anything I could ever write.

Although I do want to say that I quite enjoy this one:

To be honest, when they started talking about the Mars rover, all I could think was ‘didn’t we already have one of those?’ And yeah, people are talking about having Mars colonies within our lifetimes, but who the fuck is going to live on Mars? It’s time to face reality folks, nobody’s going to want to go to Mars without industry, and no industry’s going to want to go without people. It’ll end up being the next Australia. We’ll just send all our criminals to die there until they declare independence and then 1/16 of our action heroes will be Martian. Woo.

I know I should care about big timey science stuff, but it’s so hard. Life on earth is complicated enough for me, I don’t want to start worrying about life on other planets until it’s absolutely necessary. So call me when the delegation from Kepler-22b is on their way to my house. Not a moment before. I’m a very busy woman. I have to write this blog everyday. Also I do other stuff.

Sometimes I sketch Batman.

So it’s Wednesday now, and I hung out with grandma at the hospital this morning. I am so tired, and since I don’t drink caffeine anymore, that’s how I’ll stay. Adulthood boo. However, I have to say thank the Lord for hospital valet parking. Because if there’s anything in this world worth $7.00 plus a $3.00 tip (that’s a decent tip, right?) it’s motherfucking hospital valet.

Speaking of motherfucking, we didn’t have to pretend grandma’s boyfriend was her son after all. So that saved me some early morning creepiness. Apparently she just told them that he’s ‘the man that lives with me,’ and the hospital staff was totally cool with that. And thank God, because it was too damn early for that shit.

Here’s grandma watching some MacGyver on my Nook tablet while we wait for the nurse to put her IV on.

Here’s the nurse putting the IV in.

And here’s grandma getting ready to be wheeled into surgery.

Oh, and guess who’s grandpa is a secret Mexican? Yeah, it’s me. When my mom and uncle were toddlers, their dad, my grandma’s first husband died. So I never knew my real grandfather, and my mom and uncle don’t really remember him that well. We were always told that grandma’s first husband was Spanish. In college, I got a wild, identity politics hair up my ass and told grandma I suspected my grandpa was Mexican. She clutched at her sweater, looked around to make sure nobody heard me, and then she called me ridiculous. I laughed it off, but apparently she recently told my uncle that his dad was Mexican, and even had duel citizenship in Mexico and the US. So I guess I have two Mexican grandpas now, which makes me 3/4 Mexican when just this morning I thought I was only half. Funny, I don’t feel Mexicaner.

I actually kind of love how terminally strange my family is. When I was a kid, I wished and wished that they would just BE NORMAL. I had fantasies where my real family came for me in their J Crew sweater sets and took me away to a house with a real lawn, and a dog we didn’t find in the dumpster so I wouldn’t have to be a FREAK like they were. I am so glad that wish never came true, because if I didn’t have my family to keep things interesting, I would die of boredom. You know your life is perfect when you have to import your drama.

UPDATE: Grandma is fine, her surgery went great and she’s on the road to recovery.

The Creation of the Toctopus a.k.a You’re Welcome

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So this morning, I asked my twitter friends to tweet me words and I would draw them. Since I can’t always think of a new blog post every day, I’m lazily pasting better quality scans of the exact same drawings I just tweeted.

I know, I’m an inspiration.

Kawaii for @mechtroid

Batman for @TheInfamousBiGD

You may be asking yourself why his torso is so exceedingly long. This is the earth 12 batman, where everybody’s the same, but their torsos are really long.

Schwarma for @aldoxcab

Toctopus for @ApparentlyMary

Then I ran out of words, and also my hand got tired. So I stopped drawing.

The One Where I Told My Father About This Blog

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Oops.

So, I was just talking to my dad on the phone, and I mentioned my awesome new gig with GearedforGamers.com and he asked “How do I read these videogame reviews?” So I told him the URL, and then I was like “Every article I write links back to my blog,” which is when I realized that this is basically where I go to confess terrible things and cry about my mom. Also, dispense illicit sex advice to friendly Internet ladies.

To throw him off the scent, I rambled about the blog and how it’s very “open” for about 10 minutes longer than I needed to be talking. So, if you’re reading this, hi Dad. Sorry I talk so much shit about Mom. Honestly, I think you’d like most of the posts I write. It’s not like I’m not like this in real life anyway.

I really am incapable of keeping anything inside.

The other night I had a nightmare that I was pregnant and I haven’t stopped telling people about it since it happened. My interpretation is that my brain is trying to help me find some compassion for my mother. In the dream, I was totally excited to be pregnant and was eating my usual fruits and vegetables with a new and shining sense of purpose, because my baby was going to be the most vitamin supplemented infant on the planet, and I was so excited to take care of it, and teach it, and be there for it, and every puke-inducing sentiment that daytime me can never imagine having towards a zygote of my own in real life. Of course I woke up completely grossed out. This is up there with the dream where I married and consummated my marriage with Dame Judi Dench for awake-time horror face.

But thinking about the dream (the pregnancy dream, not the Judi Dench dream) has me thinking about my own mother. I’m pretty sure when she found out she was pregnant with me, she didn’t look down and think “I’m about to fuck this up.” She probably had all the same impulses as dream-me had when I was dream-pregnant. She probably thought the same things about being a great mom, and doing awesome mom-daughter stuff, and having a loving, safe home. Or at least I’m pretty sure that at no point she thought “I’m going to do drugs through this pregnancy and then I’m going to abandon this baby with a man who hits children and a woman who doesn’t stop him.”

Then again, good intentions mean fuck all in the real world. If I set my desk on fire right now, I have a feeling that the fire department wouldn’t offer me a hug of consolation when I’m standing in front of my burned-out apartment crying and yelling “I didn’t think it would get this bad!”

So what does that mean? Who the fuck knows at this point. Aren’t you tired of me? I’m so tired of me right now. ‘Boo, my mom sucks.’ Jesus, get over yourself.

I just Google image searched “jesus get over yourself” and this was there.


I know, right?

Melanie’s Blog: Movie Reviews

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This is one in a series of custom blogs I’m doing for my facebook friends. I asked if there was anything they wanted me to blog about, and I’m writing a post for each person that answered.

Melanie said: I miss your movie reviews.

Melanie and I used to work at Blockbuster together, so I’m not actually sure if she means the movie reviews I used to give in the store or the movie reviews I have written here. They are very different. I think because I’m not surrounded by movies all the time anymore, I can’t give the kind of review I used to be able to. Back then, I could say something like “If you liked ‘Do the Right Thing,’ and ‘Waiting to Exhale’ but you thought it needed more ‘Big Momma’s House,’ The Madea movies are for you.” Customers loved them. I had fun too. I honestly wish I had more time to be on top of movies anymore. I talked about going to see more movies in my post about things to do when Ben is working. He’s not on the crazy schedule yet, but I have a feeling I know which activity will come to the top of the list.

As for movie reviews, I do not disappoint:

THE AVENGERS

This is the best superhero movie I’ve ever seen. “But Marina, I thought you loved Batman, and I don’t see Batman anywhere in this film, I mean it’s not even the same publish–” THE FUCKING BEST. I know what I said, and I know what it means to my one true love, Batman.

It means he has to lose the gravely voiced scarecrow and bring back Michael Keaton. “Dark Knight, what can I say, you’re not the same man I fell in love with.”

Actually, I first fell in love with Adam West Batman, but his time is passed and I think we all know we can never bring back that level of magic. Not with all the shark repellent spray in the universe.

One thing Avengers was missing: man ass. Man anything, really. For all the clothes changing that superheroes are required to do, all I got was one brief shot of Mark Ruffalo thigh and chest. Not nearly enough to satisfy my porno fueled brain. Come on, guys, we live in the age of broadband. You’re gonna have to be a lot more naked if you want my 10 out of 10.

Will I see it again? Hell yeah. Let’s just say that you’re not an American if you don’t see this film. It’s everything we stand for: Hot dudes, marketing, and begrudging alliances based on mutually assured destruction.

THE RUM DIARIES

I rented this thinking that it would be Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas with more hair and better costumes in front of cuter extras. I was sort of right.

The film, for those who don’t know is an autobiographical fiction about Hunter S. Thompson’s early career, his journey to find his voice as a writer, and his purpose as a man. In the sense that everything is fucking beautiful in this movie, my anticipations were correct. In the sense that this would be like Fear and Loathing in any way except that they are two stories ostensibly about the same man, I was wrong.

Where Fear and Loathing is madcap, funny at parts, and infinitely tense, Rum Diaries is slow and meditative, bordering on navel gazing. If I didn’t like Hunter S. Thompson so much I would have been bored. Fortunately, I love Thompson, I think his writing style, his diction, and his vision are amazing. I appreciated seeing this earlier, more relatable version of him, trying to find purpose in a purposeless world.

Watch this if you’re a Hunter S. Thompson fan, or if you appreciate casual period films about drunks in tropical climes.

If you would like to get in on this kind of awesomeness, be my friend on facebook and post a response next time I ask for blog ideas!

Twitter Tells Me To – Aug. 20, 2010

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ThereminJelly: @Marinaisgo A blog post arguing about why a complete homosexual re-branding of Batman would be a good thing.

Oh. My. God. Besides being my very own pre-teen wet dream come to life before my eyes?!

Not only have I pretty much always wanted to be Batman, I’ve pretty much always wanted to fuck Batman. And if I could have fucked Batman as Batman, my little heart would have exploded right out of my big gay, gray unitarded bat-chest.

I’m probably not the only person to admit that some of my first homoerotic fantasies starred Adam West and Burt Ward. I know there are a whole bunch of us out there, who sat on the living room floor, tensions mounting as the dynamic duo struggled-seemingly in vain-tied to a giant penny, or a giant gramophone, or a giant wrecking ball, only to break free at the last moment and somersault to safety. How many times can a man and another, younger man be tied to each other and also to a giant thing before dramatic tension turns to sexual tension, and the rush of freedom also brings the rush of love, of passion? For me, it was about three times.

But enough about why I like to be tied to giant things while wearing a tool belt.

A gay redesign of Batman is exactly what this country needs. DC threw us a homo-bone when they made Batwoman a dyke (like she wasn’t already, amirightoramiright?) but they were just trying to draw the gay rumors away from their moneymaker Bruce. Let’s be honest, every real batfan knows that their man Bruce Wayne is a fruit. An ass-kicking, super-smart, millionaire playboy nightmare fruit. And the sooner Batman comes clean, the sooner. all of my childhood dreams can come true.

——–

Mr_Bithead: @Marinaisgo I’ve been trying to switch careers to something I’m more passionate about.. Write about something you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t, and why (not).

There are so many things! This deserves a bulleted list.

  • Move far away by myself (So far as as adult, I haven’t had the opportunity to move far away or be by myself, and my life here with Ben is so consistently awesome, why would I want to force that eventuality?)
  • Successfully start and run my own business. (I actually have had a few little ventures of my own, and I guess they were successful in that they never cost me more than they made, but they were little more than lucrative hobbies. I’d like something more substantial.)
  • Write a Book (I love to write, I’ve been told I’m good at it, but I don’t have enough drive or focus for a long-form project at this point. Plus, I’m afraid of the inevitable rejection, also the editing process.)

There’s other things, but those are the top 3 at the moment. The thing is, I’m very happy with my life right now. Even when I become frustrated with it, I know it’s not time to make any major changes. In my experience things change dramatically all by themselves, when it’s least expected. I always strive for my general goals of health, happiness and comfort, but other than that, life is exciting enough.

——–

Pengui: @Marinaisgo Is religion is a dangerous thing or do you think it serves a real purpose?

Both. I’d be hard pressed to think of a single person who doesn’t require some manifestation of the concept of infinity in order to keep themselves sane. Organized religion can be a backbone for people who need one. Just think of what Dr. King was able to accomplish with religion backing him up. I wouldn’t take that away from anyone. People don’t need religion to fuck with each other. If they didn’t have it, they’d just find something else.

Icky Shit I Used to Hate

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When I was younger, and single, I totally hated this type of romantic bullshit. Well, fuck what I used to think is what I always say

So on our way to the gym, we saw this adorable graffiti in our apartment’s parking lot.

'I fucken love you' written on a pole

And then later, I felt that there weren’t enough pictures of Batman and Robin love, so I requested the use of my sweet boyfriend’s sketch pad and awesome new copic markers.

“You’re not going to draw Batman and Robin porn, are you? Don’t use my sketchbook if you’re just going to draw porn”
“Wouldn’t dream of it, love”

So, instead I drew him a picture illustrating how very much I love him.

batman and robin holding hands with 'If we were Batman and Robin, I think we'd still be in love.' written above them

I also feel the need to clarify that, despite the language used in this picture, I still do not believe in the state of being “in love,” it’s just that “If we were Batman and Robin, I think we’d still maintain an intense and abiding love for each other, born of mutual knowledge and respect” just doesn’t have the same ring to it. Consider it artistic license.

And yes, I’d totally be Batman. You know it.