Fucking Exxon Mobil.
I was having a nice Monday night with the boyfriend. Watching Deep Space Nine and calculating Odo’s approximate humanoid age (if you consider the date he was found as a ‘birth’ date).
Oh wait, my math was bad. Odo's 13 when the show starts. He's 18 by the time he fucks that lady.
— Marina Rose Martinez (@Marinaisgo) December 10, 2013
When this monstrosity of a sponsored tweet showed up in my feed:
Life takes energy. And as populations grow & economies expand, the world will need 35% more #energy than today http://t.co/TBj9eOWK8i
— ExxonMobil (@exxonmobil) November 28, 2013
Don’t click on it. It only fuels the corporate delusion that it’s people. It is not people.
Anyway, you know I had to respond.
Let me guess, y'all found a way to feed adorable baby seals directly into our gas tanks? MT @exxonmobil: Life takes energy.
— Marina Rose Martinez (@Marinaisgo) December 10, 2013
And it went mostly downhill from there.
Before trying to garner support on social media, you must first have support in the first place.
— Marina Rose Martinez (@Marinaisgo) December 10, 2013
For example, I have a hard time finding the scenario where @exxonmobil will ever not get trolled online. They're synonymous with evil.
— Marina Rose Martinez (@Marinaisgo) December 10, 2013
Also, surprise, surprise, they're shitty to LGBT employees. The only reason they extended bennies this year is cause they legally had to
— Marina Rose Martinez (@Marinaisgo) December 10, 2013
Btw, I'm ranting about @exxonmobil because one of their sponsored tweets got in my feed. Not my habit to call *every* douche to account.
— Marina Rose Martinez (@Marinaisgo) December 10, 2013
Only the douches that are unfortunate enough to cross my path.
— Marina Rose Martinez (@Marinaisgo) December 10, 2013
Also, I love that the twitter algorithm was like
calculating the age at which Odo lost his virginity = a love of fossil fuels
— Marina Rose Martinez (@Marinaisgo) December 10, 2013
Just because his face looks like a petroleum product does not translate into me loving to drown woodland creatures in crude oil sludge
— Marina Rose Martinez (@Marinaisgo) December 10, 2013
I'm done. I have to go to sleep. I have a real life.
— Marina Rose Martinez (@Marinaisgo) December 10, 2013
You know how some people have years they can’t remember because they were on drugs? I apparently have years I can’t remember because I was in college. 2003-2007 is basically a blur of customer service horror stories and falling asleep whenever anybody wasn’t looking at me. Like a reverse weeping angel.
Sheryl’s lesbian wedding was exactly everything I hoped it would be. I know you wanna know what my makeup looked like. Don’t worry, I gotcha covered.
Sher, if you’re reading this, can I put a pic of you and your wife up for the readers? They do so love pictures.
My boyfriend’s going to bed without me, so this is the last bullet point.
Oh wait. I wanted to add this one: Is it a requirement that if the median income of your block is less than $35,000 per year you or one of your neighbors has to be playing this song at a minimum of 120 decibels?
Because it’s stuck in my head and I literally can’t stop hearing it.