Oil Companies Should Not Be On Social Media

Fucking Exxon Mobil.

I was having a nice Monday night with the boyfriend. Watching Deep Space Nine and calculating Odo’s approximate humanoid age (if you consider the date he was found as a ‘birth’ date).

When this monstrosity of a sponsored tweet showed up in my feed:

Don’t click on it. It only fuels the corporate delusion that it’s people. It is not people.

Anyway, you know I had to respond.

And it went mostly downhill from there.

You know how some people have years they can’t remember because they were on drugs? I apparently have years I can’t remember because I was in college. 2003-2007 is basically a blur of customer service horror stories and falling asleep whenever anybody wasn’t looking at me. Like a reverse weeping angel.

Sheryl’s lesbian wedding was exactly everything I hoped it would be. I know you wanna know what my makeup looked like. Don’t worry, I gotcha covered.

Sher, if you’re reading this, can I put a pic of you and your wife up for the readers? They do so love pictures.

My boyfriend’s going to bed without me, so this is the last bullet point.

Oh wait. I wanted to add this one: Is it a requirement that if the median income of your block is less than $35,000 per year you or one of your neighbors has to be playing this song at a minimum of 120 decibels?

Because it’s stuck in my head and I literally can’t stop hearing it.