3 Things You Should Never Buy the Target Version Of

I love Target. I especially love that their generic stuff is almost always just as good as the regular version. However, there are three products that you should never buy the generic version of in any instance. Seriously, nothing at all is better than these three terrible options.


The original

The imposter

We were recently reminded of this rule, as I accidentally purchased the generic instead of the original because we’re on a budget now and I completely forgot my first traumatic facial scalding from this shit. If you’ve never been a theater kid, a drag queen or a 1940’s housewife, you are probably unfamiliar with a product called Noxema Cleansing Cream. A condition for which you should be very grateful. It smells like paint stripper, and it burns like fuck sauce. If you’re not careful, this shit will change your race. And the Target knock-off of Saint Ives Apricot Scrub is basically Noxema with sand in it. Even after you wash it off, the burn remains. It’s the most horrible thing I’ve ever done to my face, and I used to be a punk.

Don’t buy it. Wash your face with nothing, just scrub it with a wash cloth or use fucking Dial or something.

Trash Bags

The good

The bad and the ugly

I know other bloggers have been making sponsored posts about Glad Forceflex, but I am not nearly popular enough to be on the trash bag circuit. So please know that this review comes from the bottom of my real and true heart. I love a name brand trash bag. Hefty are also good, but I have been enjoying the Forceflex lately. Against what they imply in the commercial, you can not just shove random pointy shit into it forever and ever, but you can put a lot of stuff in one of these babies, and I appreciate that kind of economy.

The generic Target trash bag, however, might as well be made of tissue paper and hemorrhoids for all the good it does. The strings will come out of the bag at some point, usually when you’re half way down the stairs with a bag in each hand and you had fish on Monday which means its at the bottom of the bag and you want to die because you were wearing flip flops and now it’s all over your toes and you resolve to never tell anyone about the morning you spent cleaning fish off everything and crying like a bitch.


This is how a bra should fit (borrowed from biggerbras.com)

What is this, a bra for ants?

In addition to their Mossimo brand, Target also sells name brand bras and unless you’re the type of person that doesn’t really need a bra, never buy one anywhere they can’t do a proper fitting. So get thee to a Victoria’s Secret, Lane Bryant/Cacique or some other bra-centric specialty store. When you’re wearing a fitted bra, the entire universe is your comfort zone. I mean, you’re still wearing a bra, so it’s not all good, but you haven’t been this comfortable since you hit puberty, I guarantee it. And don’t think that because you know your size now you can go back to Target and get the cheap and shitty bras because you can not. A good bra isn’t just a good fit, it’s quality materials mixed with superior craftsmanship. Your boobs will thank you. Your clothes will thank you. Consider it your good deed for the year.