What’s a Little Tooth Between You and a Friend?

In honor of my Patreon launch, I’ll be posting every three hours starting right now, at 8am PST.


Remember that time I was cleaning out my grandma’s house and FOUND MY OWN FUCKING TOOTH?!

I miss that old bat. She’s back in Wisconsin, and not much of a phone-talker, so even though I get the updates (newsflash, Wisconsin still sucks, at least according to my grandma) I don’t get her acerbic wit and grumpy observations. She’s supposed to be coming out this summer, and I can hardly wait to sit with her and bitch about everything and everyone. Nobody does negative and catty like grandma.

I don’t get homesick for Los Angeles, I hated that place, and I love Portland so much, it’s only for my friends that I would ever even come to visit. But I do get homesick for my grandma. The phone just doesn’t do her justice. Although it’s funny that she says she can’t make any friends out there, but when I call she’s always playing cards and doesn’t have time to talk. Uh huh. Sure. So friendless and sad, card shark Mary.