This is becoming a holiday tradition, and I really love it. Without further ado, the Christmas Twitter Hall of Fame for 2012
My mom is already wearing my clothes she got me for Christmas. I could punch her in the face you are not 18 stop wearing all my stuff
— Jenna (@jennatools1) December 26, 2012
my brother got a zippo for Christmas, already lit himself on fire.
— Haley Davidson (@DaleyHavidson) December 26, 2012
Catch me up – who won the War on Christmas this year, Team Hannity or the Lesbian Scientist Alliance?
— Downtown Josh Brown (@ReformedBroker) December 26, 2012
I love my christmas presents! A paul’s boutique coat, yolo leggings, yolo top & a pair of red crocs, thanks mum 🙂
— ?~Lana Del Perfect~? (@Kierantbh) December 26, 2012
My oldest friend pulled a gun on me. On Christmas. Because of a board game. Best Christmas ever. Only one thing was missing. #maybenextyear
— Jordan Pitner (@contrajordan) December 26, 2012
It begs the question, what in the world could be missing from this?
One of my cousins started yelling “Gangnam style” whenever it got quiet at the Christmas party
— peace of shi*t (@JohnDoesThings) December 26, 2012
Great Christmas. Lots of food and drink and got fucked in the ass twice! 🙂
— MilfyEmma (@MilfyEmma) December 25, 2012
Mara, Ben’s sister, has pointed out that maybe holiday food time should not be anal sex time. We all tend to agree.
Sure, I probably didn’t HAVE to roundhouse kick the christmas tree, aunt janice. But how awesome was that?
— cgs. (@fightforfood) December 25, 2012
Gandpa – “Where’s my gun I saw a dear eating the christmas tree.” We’re inside grandpa. #MERICA
— Omar Pachecano (@Omar_Pachecano) December 25, 2012
Ever notice that when ugly people wear ugly Christmas sweaters for a holiday party…sometimes it just looks…normal…
— Just Call Me Frank™© (@JustCallMeFrank) December 25, 2012
Time to drink beer and play “Christmas In Hollis” in the backyard until one of the neighbours wants to fight me.
— Adam Wilson (@theleanover) December 25, 2012
My cousin just pulled a gun on my dad. My dad called the police and my cousin got arrested. Merry fucking Christmas to us.
— Blonde Princess (@blondeinnpearls) December 25, 2012
— Aaron McKinster (@Bird_Man69) December 25, 2012
It’s not a Christmas party until I hit someone in the face
— Rap Game Jeffrey (@RapGameJefe) December 25, 2012
Lotta arm fat up in this Christmas party
— Barry Mahcoknher (@burntmybagel) December 24, 2012
So I really did give my mama and her wife a dildo for Christmas yesterday I feel weird
— Blue Balls Johnson(@DawnSheen) December 24, 2012
So the weirdness only just occurred to you?
No one at this Christmas party even cares that I have my collar popped. I miss the ridicule of the Internet.
— NickClausRoss (@NickBossRoss) December 23, 2012
Until I spent the holidays w/ another family a few years back, I had no idea it was abnormal for uncles to fist fight by the Christmas tree
— Matt Sturbator (@MrNoLaughs) December 23, 2012
Just made latkes for our Christmas party: another victory in the War on Christmas.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) December 23, 2012
My cousin’s Christmas card picture is of her and her wife….who’s wearing jail clothes…because she’s in jail. Happy Holidays!
— Ali Clark (@alicia__clark) December 23, 2012
IS IT APPROPRIATE TO START A PIT AT YOUR FAMILY CHRISTMAS PARTY
— ???? (@alrighty_th3n) December 23, 2012
This is how I went to the Christmas party yesterday night hahaha twitter.com/Goalie_Issues/…
— GoalKeeperProblems™ (@Goalie_Issues) December 23, 2012
Almost got into a fist fight in a Best Buy parking lot. Beginning to feel a lot like Christmas.
— Fat Jesus (@okmatchhead) December 23, 2012
my moms having a christmas party downstairs and when i went downstairs to make food a lady i have no idea who is told me to leave umm what
— gordo? (@louispeasants) December 23, 2012
I have to go to a Christmas party at a neighbors house. Trying to make my breath smell real bad so no one will talk to me.
— Fake Me (@FakeMe4Life) December 22, 2012
If my cleaning lady doesn’t show up today, I’m lighting this tree on fire & canceling Christmas. What other choice do I have?
— Charmed & Dangerous(@hidingfromme) December 22, 2012
All I want for Christmas is to drop kick a nun through Starbucks window.
— I FARTACUS ™ © ® (@TittWank) December 20, 2012
Bonus end of the world tweet from my buddy Aldo
Everyone who’s surprised the world didn’t end yet, what Mexican function have you EVER been to that started on time?
— Aldo C. (@aldoxcab) December 21, 2012
Aw crap, it’s Dec. 31st and I’m sitting here adding this to all my posts because I said I’d have it here until the end of the year and I didn’t. I suck I know. Still, support Planned Parenthood because they’re amazing and the things they do are awesome.