July 18, 2011

Twitter Tells Me: Sex, Suicide and Unsafe Driving

As is my habit (and in order to get the poetry as far away from the top of the page as I can) I have once again turned towards twitter for blog inspiration. Here are the tweet suggestions my lovely followers have given me.

Teddy_Picker: You and Dr. Boyfriend boning. I always enjoy hearing about that.

sarahcampeau: @Teddy_Picker yup…let’s live vicariously through you!

punkn: @Teddy_Picker Agreed!

Considering that I just learned that at least 2 of my boyfriend’s friends from high school read this blog, I have a new found respect for the concept of modesty. But I do always say that I’ll answer any question and tackle any subject. On those principals, I founded my life, and out of respect for them, I refuse bitch out. Also, I’ve ran this whole post by him to make sure I’m not offending his sensibilities. So, if you don’t want to hear about hardcore, long-term-monogamy-style fuck-fests, read no further.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: I love having sex with my boyfriend. I don’t understand when people say they get bored with sex. They must not be doing it right. Yeah, it’s the same basic thing every time, but so are deviled eggs, and no red-blooded patriot can get enough of those motherfuckers.

For example, the other day, I was already late for work and packing my lunch in the kitchen when Ben came up behind me and bent me over the counter. I told him I was late for work, and continued to bag salad fixings, but we both knew I had no plans to stop him.

Sometimes the best part of waking up is cumming your brains out with your face smashed into the cutting board next to your lunch. I’m glad to say I went 3 for 3 in about ten minutes that morning. Sadly, Ben was 0 for 0 despite my efforts. If I am a sexual sprinter, my boyfriend is more of a cross country guy. Don’t worry, I have every sportsmanlike intention of helping him make up for the loss.

wotusay91: Is it nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take arms against a sea of troubles?

This is from the bit in Hamlet where he’s contemplating suicide. Having contemplated suicide myself, and not being suicidal at the moment, my answer is a firm “not exactly.” The way Hamlet sees it, he has two options available. Either he continues to be a victim, or he fights back. But not through victory, through the ultimate defeat.

When contemplating suicide, it can seem like your choices are limited. Your vision becomes blurred, you can only see the bad. But the light comes in when you realize that total victory over your “sea of troubles” should never be the goal. It’s the fight itself that’s the difference.

I can feel dragged down by depression more than I care to admit. When I consider the “sea of troubles” my mind pretends I have, fighting to keep my head above water can seem like a daunting task. But when I focus on the fact that I have fought it back, that I continue to fight for my health and well being, every action towards that end is a victory in itself.

wotusay91: Blog about why euthanasia should be compulsory for crusty,s that have forgotten how to drive safely

Euthanasia is a little harsh, don’t you think? My grandmother actually gave up her drivers license recently because she felt that she was becoming a danger, and it’s been really depressing for her. She has friends who still drive, her boyfriend drives and my mother drives her around, but it’s not the same. Not only has she lost a great deal of independence, the drivers license is a symbol of her general decline in health and mobility in the last few years. A decline that she feels she will never recover from.

She has shared with me recently that she’s stopped doing a lot of things she used to enjoy. They have become tedious, they are more difficult lately than they were years before. I’m glad she gave up her license, her driving had gotten frightening. But I hate what that sacrifice symbolizes for her and my family.

March 22, 2008

Mow Your Way To Better Health

Every summer, my grandmother and I would go on our pilgrimage to across the state, paying a visit to every relative in the line. Among the rolling green hills of California?s central valley my uncle and his family had made their home, which is where we would spend most of the summer. My uncle Chris and his wife were master gardeners. Their expansive back yard was the first place I ever saw a real compost bin, and their raised garden beds, with their thick, dark soil hid countless wriggling red worms for my amusement. I also remember the single most fascinating gardening accessory I had ever seen. Uncle Chris? old push mower was nothing but an outdated nuisance to his sons, whose chore it was to cut the lawn, but to me it was an engineering marvel. It?s rotating blades whirred across the grass, sending clippings and the scent of fresh grass flying across the yard. I always got to rake the clippings and deposit them in the composter, but what I really wanted to do was cut the lawn.

As early disciples of the Xeriscape movement, we had no lawn at out house, and I longed to reach the age when I would be considered large enough to operate the push mower. Finally, that summer arrived. I only stood about six inches taller than the mower itself, but I was determined. I got nearly half the lawn mowed before I gave up and conceded the mower to my cousin. To be honest, I have no idea if I ever tried mowing with a push mower again, but to this day, I recall the work-out I got.

This brings me to three months ago, when I had an incredible epiphany. I?m always saying I need to get more exercise. I spend most of my time sitting in traffic, sitting in my cubicle, or sitting on the couch in front of the TV. All my single-girl clothes have made their way to good will and I?ve decided that it?s time to act. We needed to budget, and our gardener just happened to be moving to Texas. What a perfect coincidence. Remembering the push mower, I talked to my husband, and we decided to invest in a reel mower. All the electric mowers were easily three times the cost.

For the last three months, I?ve mowed the front yard and back yard once a week and I?ve been feeling great. I used to have back pain that I blamed on my office chair, but I noticed the other day that it has been gone for the last two months at least. All through college and my busy working life, I was constantly sick. I thought that I was just a sick person, but I?ve been in good health this whole time. At first, it was hard to do one whole lawn, much less front and back, but I split it up through the week, and now I?m a mowing machine! My husband is so impressed with my newfound vigor that he?s threatening to take up mowing as well. We may have to start our own gardening service.