Police Brutality Redux
In light of the week we’ve had, I thought it would be nice to have a little retrospective: If you are looking for a no-nonesense...
Category: Writing
Sounds Exhausting
It’s still too hot to contribute to society. Here’s a thing I found in a bathroom. Ben: Wow, you really pulled out all the stops...
It’s Too Fucking Hot
It was over 100 degrees today, and the humidity is 60%. Why the fuck did I even move here, again? My head hasn’t stopped hurting...
The Tooth Window Conspiracy
Don’t worry. It’s not a trend in Portland. It’s a trend on the entire planet. This is just a stretched labret piercing that someone put...
Kappas are Dumb. Lizardmen Forever
Get this. A kappa is a Japanese bowl demon who can be defeated by… tipping it over. Imagine, if you will, this scene in your...
How I Met Ben
The short answer is that I came home one night and he was in my bed. The much longer answer starts the day we moved...
Bulgogi Bowl
I’m sitting in a restaurant the size of a one car garage waiting for my dinner before I have to go lead a private ghost...
This Secular House
I am so happy to announce that you are reading the blog of one of the newest contributors to secularwoman.org! Today marks the official launch...
Play The Mouth Music
I forgot to write a blog. Below is every synonym for cunnilingus in the Sex Lexis, a dictionary of sexual terms. clitorilingus, cunnilinctio, cunnilinction, cunnilincto,...
How to Talk to Cops So They (Probably) Won’t Kill You
Don’t yell at the cops, people. Don’t gesture at the cops. Don’t look cops in the eye. Cops are more scared of you than you...
Yay?
Yesterday I lost a contract I thought I had in the bag. Today I interviewed for a job I don’t want and I got it....
Too Fat for Photoshop
[Link to the article, for the curious] Oh man. I’m too tired to think of my own topic, so tackling the wasps nest that is...
How I Got This Scar: Gnarly Wrist Slash
As a lot of you guys know, when I was a kid, my mom was in and out of my life. One of those in...
Being Shitty to Service Staff Isn’t Liberal Activism
Wanna know how I know that you’ve never worked in retail? Because you do shit like this at the local Hobby Lobby: This is probably...
I Said I Wouldn’t Panic Until Friday
I lied. July is looking mighty slim, and that is a damn problem. I got one good call today, and that was to invite me...
How to Calm Down
I’ve had a lot of work-related stress lately. And by lately, I mean daily for as long as I can remember. I went to my...
20 Words About My Dog. Also Pictures.
Oh, you make my job so easy! This dog is fucking precious and adorable,. She’s so much happier in Portland.
I Am A Success, and How You Can Too
The other day I was sitting on my couch reading a book with a blanket over my lap while the rain pinged against the metal...
Most Interesting Quotes from the Ruffalo AMA
So, Mark Ruffalo, AKA The Hulk, personal almost acquaintance of mine from way back, did an AMA on Reddit today in an effort to drum...
The First Day of the Rest of Your Unemployment
I’ve only been fired once in my life. I was fourteen. The woman who fired me called me up the next month. The conversation went...
Dirty Poem
December 30, 2010 I want to sleep in your arms. In our bed. Wrapped in the L.A. heat Sweating expensive lubricant. I want to fuck...
What a Woman Really Means When She Says…
Win at Fucking in 3 Easy Steps
A lot of people are insecure about their sexual prowess. They worry how their partners or potential partners will see them, how they will treat...
Go Ask Alice When She’s Ten Feet Wide
Yesterday’s blog was so short because I had a massive allergy attack and that was basically all I could write before spending the rest of...
Shit with the Door Open: A Guide to Intimacy
Back when we were moving, our friends Big Ben and Charles came by to help us pack. During a break, we were all in the...
On Being Alone
I recently had a conversation with someone who told me they felt funny going to dinner or to the movies by themselves. When I told...
I’m Sorry, This is Supposed to Make Me Like Soccer?
If you didn’t know that the World Cup is upon us, you must be living under a rock somewhere in the American mid-west because it...
Space Princess – Chapter 3
Chapter 1 – Love’s Luther’s Lost Chapter 2 – Chins up Why I Stabbed that Guy “Everybody’s a critic” I told Raffi once I’d cleared...
Everything Tastes Better Than Crazy Feels
Your wish is my command. But first: Regular readers know that I suffered from anorexia and bulimia between the ages of 11 and 13. I...
Writing Erotica for Fun and Profit Part Two
Back in January, I interviewed erotic book author Brock Wilder just as he was starting out. I knew a lot of you guys have aspirations...
Straight Bartenders. Yuck.
I had one more Facebook request yesterday after I’d already written my blog: Which, of course, I will be honoring. Although I don’t know if...
On the Floor and in the Flowers
SHOWS/MOVIES: I’m having a hard time with shows right now. They basically fall into three categories. 1. I’m waiting for the next season to come...
Go Mimis*
Who’s got two thumbs and thought it would be a good idea to stay awake all night reading? This dumb bitch. I am a wreck....
Now is the Time to Turn and Fight: My Feelings on #YesAllWomen
I’ve been reluctant to participate in the #YesAllWomen thing, namely because my experience is not the experience that “all women” have. Yes, one in four...
The Brass Ring of Fire: Why You Don’t Have to Get RT-ed by Amy Poehler to Be a Successful Woman
Ordinarily, I love Amy Poehler, and on any other night I would probably be totally into her RTing tweets from accomplished women, recent grads especially....
Up From a Past: What I Owe To Maya Angelou
Just as there will always be people to tell you that you can’t do things, there will also be people who tell you that you...
I Knew This Would Happen – or – STOP STEALING MY PASSENGER SIDE MIRROR
I knew this day would come. I knew that, despite how great this city is overall, and how much happier I am here than I...
Tired Fat Girl Loves Portland, Blue Walls
I know, you guys never watch my videos. My last video has 4 views, and three of them are mine. I feel like I’m cheating...
What Does a Sexually Empowered Straight Man Look Like?
Because, to be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever met one. You guys have all heard this story before. When my dad gave me the...
Everybody Calm Down, Paid Menstrual Leave Isn’t Real -OR- Should Boring Non-Story Writers Get Shot Into Space?
The Atlantic is making news with this paid menstrual leave story, obviously it’s been a slow week for us all. For those of you concerned...
You Bra Crazy Fools
So I was reading this article written by a butch girl on her recent bra shopping experience, wherein she laments her paltry collection of only...
Gay Marriage in Oregon – Hooray, Finally, Etc.
I don’t even think I addressed it when gay marriage became legal in California. Or when it became legal again. As it seems to go...
No Whammy, Not Stop, Gay Marriage in Oregon
Today we drove down to Corvallis for a belated Mother’s Day celebration. We made dinner for Ben’s parents. Or, more accurately, Ben made his parents...
Pretty Women
Since we moved to Portland, we’ve felt it necessary to start watching Grimm again. After a two or more year break, most of the minor...
On Being a Risk Taker
Ben and I were talking about this the other day. He was comparing himself, an extremely risk averse person, to me and some other more...
Freelanciversary: One Year into Stupid, Crazy, Freedom
If you’re trying to get a handle on things, this day last year I was significantly more manic and probably at least a little bit...
It’s My Life, I’ll Get Raped if I Wanna!
Friend Tiffany asked me this the other day: Okay so I’ve been meaning to ask you to do a blog post about this for some...
The Power of Lowered Standards
If you want to get laid, or have a great day, the solution is the same: lower your fucking standards. The real problem with lowered...
Smelly
Oh man. That is a loaded topic. The thing about the mentally ill that I didn’t learn until this damage was done is that they...
The Best Book in the World aka The Sleepwalker’s Guide to Dancing
The Sleepwalker’s Guide to Dancing by Mira Jacob Thanks to NetGalley for the review copy. Hot on the heels of the most appalling thing I’ve...