Too Fat for Photoshop


[Link to the article, for the curious]

Oh man. I’m too tired to think of my own topic, so tackling the wasps nest that is feminine beauty in popular culture is about to be a bit too much for my overtaxed brain. But you asked, so I will deliver.

The video in question:

At first, I felt moved by the video. It’s so rare women get told that we’re fine the way we are. Even those ridiculous Dove ads seem to be shaming women for their shame. YOU DON’T LOVE YOUR BODY. BUY DOVE AND STOP BEING SUCH A SHITTY LADY.

I like the idea that I don’t have to change a single thing. It goes so well with the fact that I have no plans to change anything.


I’ll be honest, I didn’t read the whole article. I got distracted because it seemed fairly packed with pretty white lady shit. After she talked about her stylist (as in “my stylist” as in the one I have on retainer) and after the interviewer acted like it was some kind of trauma to remove your make-up in front of a camera I came to the not unusual realization that this article was not for me. I mean, Elle is just one in a long line of publications for and by attractive gringas, so I don’t hold that against it.

I just really have a hard time caring about rich attractive white women and their issues with living up to the beauty standard.

That sounds insensitive. Rich people are technically people after all. I’m sure it is hard for Casey Corduroy (or whatever) to be talented and beautiful at the same time. In fact, and I actually do say that with absolutely no tongue in my cheek at all: It’s probably more difficult for someone like her than it is for the rest of us poor, unattractive plebes. For someone like her, the idea that the beauty ideal is attainable must seem like far less of a bad joke than it seems to the rest of us.

Look, no make-up. Where's my damn award?
Look, no make-up. Where’s my damn award?

I wake up every morning fat, with this face on my head. And yeah, some people find it compelling. I happen to. But I’m not winning any beauty pageants, not leastwise because me and my mustache prefer to stay out of the limelight. Being attractive is like being popular in high school. As soon as you realize that this contest everyone tries so hard to at least place in is just a handful of untrained virgins fighting over fucking rights, shit gets way less epic really fucking quickly.

Hot is just one of the myriad of things a person can be when they grow up. And, if you ask any rational adult, it’s about the least useful of the whole bunch.

Now I'm making a face. What do I win?
Now I’m making a face. Congratulate me on my bravery.

I just want to know when we can stop talking about deprioritizing physical attractiveness as the gold standard by which all ladies are judged, and actually do it instead.

Shout out to men, who I ignored completely for this entire article. Your pain is real. I just don’t care about it.

Kidding. I care. Just not enough.

No, seriously, I’m falling asleep at my desk. This is all I can do.

2 Replies to “Too Fat for Photoshop

  1. To the music videos credit, it did try to have some diversity — ethnicity, age, size, and even a cancer patient. But still, none of them looked unattractive without their make-up (or hair) anyway. There was no 400-pound woman, 95-year-old woman or just butt-ugly inbred looking woman. This video and article claims it is showing women standing up against a societal ascetic of beauty for women. Is there one? ABSOLUTELY! And it is also unfair, and to many unattainable. However, since most every woman in this video starts out easily achieving it, it therefore does not represent a rebellion at all.

    I also feel that saying this is “pretty white lady shit” does a disservice to your point. While I understand where you are coming from, You could put any rich Black (Beyonce), Latino (Jennifer Lopez) or Asian (Lucy Liu) celebrity in place of the woman in this story and it would be the same article. I believe it would be better served for you to have said “pretty rich lady shit.” And in that sentiment, I completely agree with you. The singer in article came of as pretentious, vapid unconnected with reality.

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