We’re Moving

Ben quit his job today. We’re planning to be in Portland March 1.

I’ve had a headache basically the whole day, so there’s not going to be much to this post. On the one hand, I’m excited and happy to finally get out of Hawthorne. On the other hand, from the stories people tell me, it feels like we may be moving straight to an analog of my current neighborhood but with no people of color and no sun; not to mention noisy, drafty, with terrible management companies, and high rents.

I’m not sure how likely we are to live in the actual city. I feel like I’ve had enough of drunk people cursing at each other outside my window at night to last a lifetime. Now, all I want is a place where I can sit outside my house without making it feel like I’m adding to the homelessness problem, and where I can walk to the coffee shop and the grocery store. Whatever else is within a 10 block radius, I could give less of a fuck about. I’m not a drinker, I don’t care for nightlife. I already found somebody to fuck. Why would I ever go outside again?

I mean, I hate Los Angeles so much. It’s the middle of January and already half the county’s on fire. The usually terrible air quality is even worse. Today the sun was blood orange at 9 am. I’d rather leave for Portland and find out I’m miserable there too than stay here knowing I hate it.

I guess I’m just freaking out. I’ve never lived anywhere but Southern California. Except for 6 months in 5th grade when I lived with my dad in Bend, but I don’t think that counts. Now that I know it’s really happening, all I can think about is how it’s probably a mistake.

Well, nobody’s ever accused me of doing the right thing.

Editor’s Note: Now that it’s morning, I have some perspective on this. I’ve decided that if even one thing is better in Portland, that’s a success condition. If I live in a shit hole apartment in a noisy, crime-filled neighborhood, that’s a lateral move. But if I can walk to a coffee shop, and the air is breathable, that’s a win.