Oh. My. God. Besides being my very own pre-teen wet dream come to life before my eyes?!
Not only have I pretty much always wanted to be Batman, I’ve pretty much always wanted to fuck Batman. And if I could have fucked Batman as Batman, my little heart would have exploded right out of my big gay, gray unitarded bat-chest.
I’m probably not the only person to admit that some of my first homoerotic fantasies starred Adam West and Burt Ward. I know there are a whole bunch of us out there, who sat on the living room floor, tensions mounting as the dynamic duo struggled-seemingly in vain-tied to a giant penny, or a giant gramophone, or a giant wrecking ball, only to break free at the last moment and somersault to safety. How many times can a man and another, younger man be tied to each other and also to a giant thing before dramatic tension turns to sexual tension, and the rush of freedom also brings the rush of love, of passion? For me, it was about three times.
But enough about why I like to be tied to giant things while wearing a tool belt.
A gay redesign of Batman is exactly what this country needs. DC threw us a homo-bone when they made Batwoman a dyke (like she wasn’t already, amirightoramiright?) but they were just trying to draw the gay rumors away from their moneymaker Bruce. Let’s be honest, every real batfan knows that their man Bruce Wayne is a fruit. An ass-kicking, super-smart, millionaire playboy nightmare fruit. And the sooner Batman comes clean, the sooner. all of my childhood dreams can come true.
There are so many things! This deserves a bulleted list.
- Move far away by myself (So far as as adult, I haven’t had the opportunity to move far away or be by myself, and my life here with Ben is so consistently awesome, why would I want to force that eventuality?)
- Successfully start and run my own business. (I actually have had a few little ventures of my own, and I guess they were successful in that they never cost me more than they made, but they were little more than lucrative hobbies. I’d like something more substantial.)
- Write a Book (I love to write, I’ve been told I’m good at it, but I don’t have enough drive or focus for a long-form project at this point. Plus, I’m afraid of the inevitable rejection, also the editing process.)
There’s other things, but those are the top 3 at the moment. The thing is, I’m very happy with my life right now. Even when I become frustrated with it, I know it’s not time to make any major changes. In my experience things change dramatically all by themselves, when it’s least expected. I always strive for my general goals of health, happiness and comfort, but other than that, life is exciting enough.
Both. I’d be hard pressed to think of a single person who doesn’t require some manifestation of the concept of infinity in order to keep themselves sane. Organized religion can be a backbone for people who need one. Just think of what Dr. King was able to accomplish with religion backing him up. I wouldn’t take that away from anyone. People don’t need religion to fuck with each other. If they didn’t have it, they’d just find something else.