Why I Will Probably Vote for That White Racist, Hillary, Who I Dislike

You guys may or may not remember that time I called the election for Obama in 2012 (it wasn’t hard to do). But my premise at the time was that the media is totally bullshit, Romney was a conservative intermission clown (much like Ted Cruz is now), and that Obama would win based on simple math and history. It was an obvious situation, only made even the slightest bit muddy by the 24-hr shit cycle we pretend to call the press in this fuck hole.

Now, it’s not so clear. Last time a democrat left office (Clinton, 1993-2001), the false confidence of a party that had just returned from a recession lead to our collective downfall. We were so greedy with hope that we put a robot and a Jew on the ticket. At the same time. This is not a sci-fi movie, you guys. You pick one weirdo and one normal. Everyone knows that. Just look at every single buddy comedy ever. (Harold and Kumar doesn’t count since Asians read as half a normal. Duh).

Don’t get mad, this is reality, as you can see by the layout of voter statistics since the end of World War II (which is when most of America first realized that all of humanity wasn’t made up of whites). I didn’t invent racism, I just have to think of it every second of every day because we live in a racist society.

And yes, I do realize that we were tricked into the first year of Bush 2, but we actually voted him in a second time completely legitimately. In part because the Democratic party was so divided on who to pick. The dumb hair one? The one that looks like an Ent? The other one. The Mexican? It was damn crazy.

I can think of a dozen people more qualified and more deserving of the presidency than Hilary. And a dozen more who would at least do the minimum to serve their constituency, instead of the fat dung-heap of nothing I know we can count on from her ass. Under Hilary, America will be more racist, more sexist (thanks to her 1975 feminism) and less innovative than it’s been in nearly a decade.

Don’t anybody forget her massively condescending and racist as fuck campaign of miss-information against Obama in the 2008 primaries. Actually, I need this whore in office. So everybody just forget that I typed that. Forget the whole damn thing.

Sometimes you have to sacrifice eight years of happiness so you can insure the direction of the nation for the next four decades. We have four Supreme Court justices over the age of 70. Antonin Scalia (79), Anthony Kennedy (78), Ruth Bader Ginsburg (82), and Stephen Breyer (76). Whoever gets elected in 2016 will likely get re-elected in 2020, and not all of these guys have 8 good years left, let’s be honest.

“Hilary 2016” stickers have been plastering the back of Subaru’s nationwide since that stupid red phone ad aired in 2008. I see the lay of the land, I know where my bread is buttered, I smell what the Hildawg is cookin’ as it were. I’m not going to be the only dumb bitch voting for the Mexican… again. Okay?

Hilary 2016 y’all, this is happening, and it is happening so hard that it hurts me. It does.