My dad asked me what I thought about things, and then he listened to my answers. My grandma made it a habit to do research. We were always looking in the dictionary or the encyclopedia. Even if I thought it was boring, we’d still look it up because it was important to know about the world. Gene, bastard that he was, taught me how to speak with authority, and my mom never lied to me. She lied to herself, but as far as she was able, she told me the truth about things, which was an invaluable gift.
So many parents buy their children stuff, or spend time at work to prove how much they love them by making “enough money.” What the fuck is enough money anyway? I don’t think anybody’s ever had that. They tell their children what they should think, instead of teaching them how to think for themselves. They tell them to be quiet and they don’t challenge them, or make them work for anything. They say that everything is fine, or that nothing is happening when things are clearly not fine, and something is obviously happening.
It’s easy to look at parents, especially mine and say what went wrong. What they failed to do. But it’s also important to acknowledge the ways in which they gave me an advantage. One of which was to be really clear about their own failings. I had them for parents, but I also had and still have so many other amazing people in my life that I can turn to for parent stuff, because two people is far too few people for one child or one childhood. Or one person.
True wealth has nothing to do with money. People, experiences, and knowledge are the real value. Money is a part of that. You do need enough money to operate on a basic human level. Money for living indoors, eating good food, and having healthcare are really important. Also money for going outside and being with people. But everything above that is just window dressing.
Oh man most important? That’s a tough one. I admire my mom, she did a great job doing the raising me thing (mostly) solo, but I also know that’s because she had a lot of help from my god mother, my aunt, my grandmother, and my great grandmother – all of them taught me various important things.
My mom’s most important things would be kindness, strength, and a being a bit of a bad ass. My godmother taught me to fight the machine, hahaha. My aunt showed me how to enjoy life, and was always there to talk about stuff I might have been embarrassed to ask my mom about. My grandmother taught me endless optimism and how to treat people and encouraged me to follow my dreams, whatever they were. My great grandmother taught me how to be practical, and encouraged me to figure out my financial stuff (a lesson I’m still working on.)
Lots of strong women. Nice.
Bargaining and penny-pinching. It’s a skill that, hilariously enough, was what enabled me to break free of my family when I needed to.
That’s what I’d call successful parenting. Teach your kids whatever they need in order to live without you or your help.
The best thing my dad ever did for me was to die at just the right time
Death stopped him from completely fucking over myself and 3 sisters after my mum died of lung cancer
Nearly a year to the day that my mum died, he got a brain tumor and died, but not before kicking us out and getting a girlfriend
And after knowing he was going in for a life threatening operation with a 50/50 outcome
Ran up big debts and stopped paying the mortgage on the family business and tried to cancel insurance on the mortgage but could only drop the cover , which left us financially fucked, 4 years to put it right
These actions were purely to fuck us ( his kids ) up in the event of his death !
We always thought that our mum reached down from high and said ” oh no you don’t , your coming with me ” and took him out
A bit rambling but answers your question
Nice. Your mom sounds like a boss.