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April Fools.

Because men don’t want to smell a flower. Men want to eat a steak.

Empower yourself to make his night.

I’m happy to announce our official sponsor: The Blackstone Group’s newest brand collaboration, Hungry Man Tampax Essence. As a woman with a vagina, I feel like this product was made for me.

Market research shows that since we got the vote, women have been getting jobs of our own. I know none of us understands the phrase ‘market share,’ but the boys at Blackstone do, and they’re coming up with all the things we never even knew we needed.

My body is my own to adorn inside and out in whatever way I feel will best please my man. Thanks to Hungry Man Essence, I now have up to five flavor profiles to choose from when “Aunt Flo” comes around comes to gross everybody out and threaten my physical attractiveness. It’s like I never menstruate at all anymore.

Tomorrow I’ll be doing a write up on the new Orbits Superglue Gum. Finally a product to fix how much I talk!

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