The God of Parking

  • Do you think that the reason God gives American house wives awesome parking spaces, but lets children starve and get molested and stuff is because his only real power is to give out a limited number of excellent parking spaces? Like, for thousands of years, humans have been thinking they have the spiritual equivalent of a president, when really they have a meter maid.
  • Last week was a lot of shit in a tight little package, and I’m still pretty depressed about it.
  • To add insult to injury, after a day of being really depressed about the failure of my whole entire thing right now, a car parked outside my apartment at about 8 p.m., and proceeded to spend the entire night setting off it’s own alarm at perfect 31 minute intervals. I did not sleep. I called the police, nobody came. Finally, at around 6 a.m., I took matters into my own hands.

    Ben went with me. We were down the block waiting for it to go off and I actually broke into a sprint when I heard the alarm. I hadn’t realized this guy was right outside my house. Rather than damage the car, I left a note. Because Ben was watching.

  • Despite the shit, or perhaps motivated by it, I went back to the drawing board over the last couple of days and I have a new plan, which you guys on Facebook will be hearing a lot about in the coming months. I’m excited about it, but more importantly I’m kind of terrified. To be honest, it’s an element all my previous plans have lacked, and I think that’s why I wasn’t happy with them.
  • We went to hike the canyon behind my grandma’s house this morning (leaving the car still alarming at 8 a.m.), only to find that you have to buy an “Adventure Pass” to park in the lot. Of course they don’t sell them at the park, that would be stupid. So we visited grandma and walked around the neighborhood. Ben took pictures.

  • Do yourself a favor, follow the Beard Porn Tumblr. Here’s just a sample of what you’ve been missing out on.