RIP Marina

Me: I just thought of something

Benjamin: wait
watch this

Me: wait
is this a real advertisement for hot pockets?

Benjamin: yes

Me: yeah
this is how I die

Benjamin: eating hot pockets with snoop dog?
the lyrics man
they hit so hard
“i got pockets in my arms settin’ off smoke alarms”

Me: no. clearly I have had an aneurism and this is the vision of my dying brain as I lay in a puddle of my own filth on the floor of my cube

Benjamin: that’s how gansta snoop dog is
motherfucker doesn’t care

Me: “now it’s time to enjoy shit”
that’s what he says when he takes the hot pocket out of the microwave
can you say ‘shit’ in an ad?

Benjamin: i don’t know

tweeted by the man himself

Me: looks like tomorrow’s blog just wrote itself.

I can’t tell whether I should be more impressed with his marketability or his willingness to make his entire career into a gimmick. I mean, not only does Snoop Dogg rap about shooting people, he kind of probably at least had a part in actually shooting a real guy one time. And Hot Pockets is like, “yeah, this is who we need to sell our product.”

To be honest, part of me thinks that’s a match made in heaven. I mean, have you ever tried to eat a Hot Pocket? It may be preferable to be shot at by Snoop Dogg. It also may be better for your health, depending on a number of factors, not least of which how high you are, and how high Snoop Dogg is.

Maybe it’s just me getting older and realizing that artistry and craft will get you absolutely nowhere, or maybe it’s because Drop It Like It’s Hot wasn’t a real touching piece of soulspeak anyway, but I feel no moral issues with reworking this as a Hot Pocket marketing tool. The kind of people who do shit because Snoop Dogg talked about it in a song are exactly the demographic that Hot Pocket wants to connect with. And who am I to judge this perfect union?

I say, if you can make money shilling for Hot Pockets, fucking do it. Life is too short to ask yourself what the value of authenticity is. Especially if you’re already the type of person that might shoot people. Do whatever the fuck pays the most. You know what I’m saying?

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