I Love Being Ugly


Nor should there be any reason for low-class trifling hoes, and yet here you are.

I liked Tyra Sanchez because she was the perfect combination of dumb and mean. She’s so stupid that I can’t actually feel angry about how bitchy she is. It’s like when a guy in a wheelchair yells at you, and you don’t get upset because at the end of the day, he will always have at least two more reasons to be a shithead than you do.

But this is the last straw. Not because my fat and ugly feelings are hurt, but because she finally got so stupid that no amount of meanness can make me not feel really sad for her. She actually thinks that the extremely temporary and artificial constructions of good bone structure, foam padding, tape, and Photoshop gives her value, and that any person who doesn’t aspire to exactly that kind of value has “no reason” to be here.

There are so many reasons for ugly women in this world. Ugly women are the backbone of our economy because while you no account, image-hungry fuckboys and fuckgirls chase each other around the vast, underpopulated wasteland of your own egos, the rest of us are making sure the ground doesn’t fall out from under your posturing, empty-headed asses.

An ugly person in an image-conscious society has been given a great gift. We are invisible. Unmolested by street harassers and train gropers; unbothered by nice guys and whatever their lady equivalent is; ugly people have the luxury of being left alone or taken seriously.


When my ugly face shows up at your doorstep, you know I’m there for a reason and I earned my right to be there because I sure as fuck didn’t get any favors along the way. Whatever credibility I lose by being a woman, I make-up at least half of it by being an ugly woman. And the older and uglier I get, the more people assume that I know my shit.

It’s well understood that nobody wants to fuck me, and that’s a good thing. We can talk business because your big brain is engaged here. Beautiful men and women have to work to understate their looks in the professional arena because people think they’re a joke. Incorrect as it may be, everybody assumes a pretty person is there to fuck.

Every show on TV has pretty people fucking and chatting and having tons of fun. Whenever someone remotely average looking shows up, they play accountants and lawyers and federal court judges. When we see an uggo in real life, it’s a Pavlovian response at this point to assume they have something important to contribute to the plot.

I recommend ugliness to all my friends. Do I have to waste my precious thinking and doing time worrying about bikini season? Nope. Do I have to go on a crash diet to try and “look beautiful” on my wedding day? Not at all. Do I worry that my partner’s love for me will fade away as I age? I was ugly when he met me! It’s not a surprise that I will only get uglier as time goes on.

If someone is friends with me, they’re friends with my sense of humor, my snarky attitude, maybe even my tendency to yell at inappropriate times. We like the same kinds of media, or the same foods. In general, we care about the same shit. Nobody will listen to me talk about nothing for an hour in the hopes that they could touch my titties later. It just doesn’t happen. If someone is listening to me talk, it’s because I have something to contribute. Or I’ve scared them into silence, which is cool too.

When I was young, I would cry about how ugly I am. I wish I knew how lucky I was. Ugliness has power. Real, actionable power. Be happy to be ugly. Being fat with a crooked nose and hound-dog jowls hasn’t cost me anything in this life. I have great sex, a fulfilling career, and absolutely no interest in wasting my precious time trying to be something I’m not. Once I decided it was okay to be ugly, everything opened up for me. Ugly is just one of the million things a person can be. Ugly and funny; ugly and smart; ugly and kind; ugly and honorable. It’s a good deal.

If you’re reading this and you’ve ever felt like you were ugly, don’t hide from that feeling, embrace it. The Tyra Sanchezes of this world can have their obsessive pursuit of outward beauty. Use your time to be the best version of your ugly ass self you can be.


5 Replies to “I Love Being Ugly

  1. I’ve always been of the opinion that there’s really no such thing as an ugly person. People are people. People look different. That’s how people work.

    Ugly is such a relative term, anyway. If you think someone’s ugly, that person is ugly TO YOU; that doesn’t mean someone else won’t think that person is the hottest thing on Earth. Beauty, eye of the beholder, blah blah blah. Plus, a lot of people probably think they’re way uglier than they really are.

    And besides, if you’re not considered “conventionally attractive” in the eyes of society, that’s a good thing! Who the fuck wants to be “conventional”, anyway? Conventional is boring! 😀

    1. That’s what I mean, being conventionally attractive is a bad deal. People assume a lot about a person based on their looks, and the conventionally attractive have the most issues with that. They get pigeon holed.

    1. Thank you for saying so, but my main point is that people like me, who are outside the realm of the conventionally attractive actually have the better deal.

Comments are closed.