The hashtag #DearWhiteBF was making the rounds on twitter this evening, and it seemed like the majority of the white boyfriends in question were complete buttholes.
#DearWhiteBF "babe they're just kidding. don't be so sensitive"
Is not an appropriate response to racist/misogynist comments
— usagi (@femmen0ir) January 23, 2014
#DearWhiteBF I am not here to make you feel bigger, more masculine whiter. I'm not here to reinforce the power you already have.
— Sook Min (@doloresonthedot) January 23, 2014
#DearWhiteBF don't call me exotic. I'm not a bird that you saw after walking in the zoo. Neither are we your sexist colonial fantasy.
— Darakshan (@DarakshanRaja) January 24, 2014
#DearWhiteBF if I get upset and challenge your family's racist comment, don't complain that I ruined dinner.
— Winifred Burton (@winnaburto) January 23, 2014
Then, of course, I had to add my two cents.
My #dearwhitebf would be "thank you for letting me be your +1 for white privilege." Is that shitty? Even if it is, it's true.
— Marina Rose Martinez (@Marinaisgo) January 24, 2014
Like, have you ever stood next to a white guy while he talks to a cop? It's amazing.
— Marina Rose Martinez (@Marinaisgo) January 24, 2014
Cops talk to white people like they know each other and are friends. It's the most insane shit I've ever seen.
— Marina Rose Martinez (@Marinaisgo) January 24, 2014
I think that this is, of course, coming from my own passing privilege. Me by myself, I definitely have some ethnic features going on, and a person might figure me out. But when I’m with this guy, it’s like I get contextual whiteness privilidges.
I’d be interested to know if other people of color have this experience, or if it’s just me and other passing people.
Ha! I loved your commentary on this hashtag. Just last weekend, I went out of town with my new man (a #DearWhiteBF) and felt the same way you do (the “+1 for white privilege”). The experience really had me a little floored but also had me going, “Are you kidding me with this shit?!” I just know I’d never be able to pull the same things off if it were just me without getting the stink eye of judgment and skepticism. But my new man really is amazing. I’ve dated others in the past who are just embarrassingly ignorant about the things they’d say to me to the point where I really could relate with those other posts.
There’s an episode of 30 Rock where Liz dates an incredibly handsome guy who just gets random things whenever he asks for them, and she makes him do an experiment where he covers his face with a menu when she orders for both of them and the waitress basically tells her to fuck off. This is how I feel with Ben sometimes.