Dear Morons:

Look here, idiots of the world, I do not care what you think.
You may think that you are very smart, I’m sure that you’re at the top of the class in special school. Here’s the deal. I put radically left-wing bumper stickers on my car for a very important reason: IT’S MY FUCKING CAR. It is not your car. I’d have thought that would be apparent, but I think I may have to spell it out for you. If it’s my car, then the stickers on it are mine, they belong to me. If you find that they are inflammatory, and offensive to you, then you don’t have to have them on your car, because it belongs to you, and you can do whatever you want to with your own personal property.

However, as the proud owner of a “think for yourself” bumper sticker, I encourage just that. I appreciate dissent, which may be why you drooling invertebrates insist on leaving your regurgitated religious conservative Bill O’Riley slogans on my windshield. But before, you interpret this as an invitation, let’s review. The sticker has two words which I consider key. They are “think” and “yourself.” This means that, not only must your postulations be able to stand up against critical review; they’re also yours, not mine. They belong to you. I don’t want them, keep them to yourself. Treasure them. Tell your deficient friends, but STOP LEAVING IDIOTIC, UNINSPIRED NON-NONSENSICAL NOTES ON MY FUCKING CAR.