The Fuckable Butch
John Stewart pointed it out last month with Caitlyn Jenner’s triumphant coming out, but it bears repeating. Every woman in our society is sorted on...
Category: Writing
07-26-06 Dream or Memory. Unknown.
Found in an old journal. We are standing in the heat and talking about our moms. Hers is crazy and mine too. Sometimes when I...
Which Disney Princess Are You?
You are Stitch! You’re a monster specially engineered for destruction, but there are times when you wonder if there’s more to life. Friends describe you...
Equal Marriage, Bitches!
Today is the day that equal marriage became the rule of law in the United States. Thanks to a supreme court decision, minority rights have...
If It’s Not the Allergies, It’s the Heat
It was 92 degrees today. In LA, I could do 92 standing on my head. I once sat in 110 in the valley in a...
If you could wish a mild inconvenience on your worst enemy, what would it be?
Mine would be itchy sole of foot while wearing boots. As you can probably tell, allergies continue to prevail.
Fucking Allergies
I am so tired. My throat hurts from coughing, my abs hurt from sneezing, and I’ve been putting chapstick on the inside of my nose...
5 Sexiest Man Butts in Gaming
The man butt has long been a neglected feature in gaming. It’s a shame because the lady butt is practically a major field of study...
I Met Some Frogs
Southern California doesn’t have a lot of visible frogs. Lizards and snakes, yes. Frogs no. So, even though I was the kind of child that...
The Emmanuel AME Church Shooting Was Domestic Terrorism
Charleston’s Emanuel AME Church isn’t just a church. It is a historic symbol of black resistance to slavery and racism. “I have to do it....
President Clown Shoe
Donald Duck Trump is running for President. If you don’t know, now you know. This fucking guy. The only good thing I can say about...
Disordered Eating and Paleo Eating
I tried to be articulate about this, but in the end I just wasted 500 words on bullshit that is completely irrelevant to my context...
Oh Lord.
The 6 hour drive from Klamath ended up being about 8 hours thanks to some extremely slow flatbed trucks coming up the 58, so I...
Guess Where I Am
I am sitting in a hotel room in Klamath Falls right now because I’m giving a presentation for my digital engagement business tomorrow. Ben and...
No, YOU Go Back to Your Point of Entry!
My name is Marina Rose Martinez, I came into this country on January 14, 1985 at 5:52 p.m. at the Little Company of Mary Hospital...
Hot Wet Heat
It was 90 degrees today. Everybody makes fun of desert dwellers because we always say temperatures in the 100s are okay because “it’s a dry...
Nobody Cares What I Think About Caitlyn Jenner
But that’s the glory of having my own blog. I get to share my thoughts anyway. Mike “I’ve obviously never showered with a girl before”...
Go watch Steven Universe
Right now. I just got back from LA and I am falling asleep all over the place, but that’s the only thing I can say....
Last day
My flight leaves today. So here are some more pictures. I’m so happy to be coming home. I did manage to cheer up about 3...
Falling asleep
I almost forgot to blog again. It’s after 1, I haven’t been sleeping due to LAck of boyfriend. I’m not quite as down on LA...
I forgot what day it is
Today is Friday. For some reason, I spent all of yesterday thinking it was either Friday (so no need to write a blog) or Wednesday....
On Going Home Again
This is the first time I’ve ever been in LA and it hasn’t felt like home. It’s very surreal and a little bit lonely. I...
Los Angeles
By the time most of you read this I will have done it. I will be deep inside dreaded pit of insanity from whence I...
Imaginary Friends
I think this might be the most difficult question I’ve ever been asked. When I was a kid, I wasn’t really allowed to watch TV....
Unicorns! And unicorn dildos
There are a lot of unicorn sex products out there. There’s even a Pinterest board devoted to this. I don’t actually know much about unicorns...
Stop, Drop, and Cover
As you know, I’m from Los Angeles, where earthquakes are a pretty common thing. The only time I ever had an earthquake kit was when...
Taye Diggs is Proof that God Loves Us and Wants Us to Be Happy
Oh my fucking drag queen Jesus, it’s a true fact. I have loved this man since The Wood. To this day I have no idea...
Gay for Pay: What’s That About?
THIS ARTICLE IS ACTUALLY SFW IN THAT THERE IS NO NAKED PENIS. THERE ARE NAKED DUDES, AND IT IS ABOUT PORN, SO READ AT YOUR...
AMEX Condescends to Women of Color, Pats Self on Back
I had a totally different blog planned for tonight, and I’ll get to that tomorrow, but this bullshit just popped up on my TV about...
You Can’t Schick With Us
It’s not nearly as dramatic as it sounds. Somebody saw a dude pulling the pickle in his car, it turns out it was the CEO...
Who to Vote for in the May 19, 2015 Special Election in Multnomah County, Oregon
I live in Southeast, in school district #1JT, so I may have ballot options you don’t, or visa versa. This is, of course, my personal...
Every Fat Girls’ Dream
Things Bad Negotiators Say
After Thursday’s How to Negotiate blog, I thought of some things I’ve heard and had said to me in negotiations that signaled I was working...
How to Negotiate
Negotiation is one of the skills in our society that we sorely need, and yet, are never taught. Young people and people from disenfranchised communities...
Mother’s Day Gifts for Your Bad *Butch* Mom
Diamonds? Blech. Flowers? God Damnit. Having trouble figuring out what to get your butch-as-fuck mama this Mother’s Day holiday? Don’t worry, baby, I will take...
Bad Bitch Mother’s Day Gifts for Your Bad Bitch Mom
Mother’s Day is no time to be vague, bitch. If you happen to be the only person in our generation with money, this uterus necklace...
Jake and Jessica Vol. 1 is on Amazon
I am exited to announce that, due to your amazing support for Jake and Jessica, I have been able to publish Volume 1 on Amazon....
You Can’t Thug a Thug
“There are some people who never make it out of that puffed up adolescent phase. And some of those people go on to be police...
1 AM Sad Puppy Blues
Somebody’s a tired baby. What did I do right today? I hit the deadline for an important proposal, and I feel confident in our bid....
5 Accessories Your Feminism Needs Today
Male tears scented soy candle. Mirrored purple “Feminist Killjoy” necklace. Cunt coffee mug. Transinclusive as fuck. Radical self-love poster.
Cop Cams Could Have Saved Freddie Gray
In light of recent events, I wanted to bring this out. You may remember this graphic from August 2014, the height of the Michael Brown...
Dove Chooses Obnoxious
“It was my choice, and now I will question myself for the next few weeks, maybe months.” That’s the opening sentence for this advertisement. I...
Wednesday, April 22
What did I do right today? I took it easy in the morning because I had trouble sleeping last night. I got all my relevant...
The Daily Grid
I mentioned that I overhauled my to-do list again. Click here to see the list I upgraded from, if you so desire. Thanks friend and...
Shiny Pink and Silver with Black Matte
I realized today that I am really mean to myself. When I know I’m tired, or if some part of my job takes a lot...
The Post I Wrote Instead of the Post I Already Wrote.
Two weeks ago I started seeing an acupuncturist for my work-stress. One week ago, I completely overhauled my to-do list and work schedule (again), and...
Someday I Will Long for the Simplicity of this Depression
If you ever want to know what it’s like to be a drug addict without having to do anything illegal, become a freelancer. The high...
Why I Will Probably Vote for That White Racist, Hillary, Who I Dislike
You guys may or may not remember that time I called the election for Obama in 2012 (it wasn’t hard to do). But my premise...
Fuck Your Love Interest – Your Female Characters are Bad and You Should Feel Bad
I miss The Golden Girls, man. This were some bitches who knew what was up. I’ve been watching a lot of contemporary shows like The...
Interview with Manwhore Billy Procida
After my post on sex-positive Patreon creators, comedian and podcast host Billy Procida (pronounced proceed-uh) reached out and let me know about the launch of...