Baddness Levels: Rising

I’m sitting in a coffee shop in Corvallis. Next Saturday we finally finish our move to Portland. This is the first time I’ve been outside the house by myself that wasn’t a dog walk or a meeting since we got here. I was starting to feel like Rapunzel. That’s worn off a little, but I’m still restless. I keep thinking about that scene in Lilo and Stitch where he big-wheels from one side of the island to the other in about fifteen seconds. I’m so glad we didn’t move here. Two weeks at Christmas does not do this town justice.

It’s adorable, everybody knows each other. They’re nice to their homeless people, never litter, and all their dogs are well trained. Even the terriers.

I mean, I haven’t seen a single terrier since we got here, but if I had, they’d be well trained.

I don’t have enough love in my heart to live in a small town. I want to flip this table over and flood main street. I want to cackle and watch as all the little people struggle to climb on top of their Subarus with their compost bins in attempt to preserve the nitrate levels.

I have trouble waking up in the morning, and I have trouble going to sleep at night. I know that only yesterday I was writing about how LA is an experience, not a home, and I still feel sorry for all you poor bastards who are stuck back there, but I never realized the extent to which I did not comprehend it’s bigness.

I am an alien adrift on an ocean of conifers.

Did you know that everything here is covered in moss? So much moss, you wouldn’t believe. If I look outside this coffee shop, the tree across the street has a fern growing out of it. A whole fern. Multitudes of them, actually. I’d take a picture but I ran my phone battery down watching Queer as Folk on Netflix.

Something else this place is covered in: 4G LTE reception. Maybe moss is conductive.


I feel better now. I really need to remember that being by myself in a bedroom is not the same thing as being by myself outside. I’m not the kind of person who can stay cooped up. I’m also not the kind of person who can close a door to a full house and get the same effect as getting away to do whatever I want on my own. I’m an interesting kind of introvert in that I need to be around people, but I also need to not have to talk to them. This is why I prefer coffee shops to offices or co-working spaces when I really have to get shit done.

Some more pictures of the beauty of Corvallis.