Unicorns! And unicorn dildos


There are a lot of unicorn sex products out there.

There’s even a Pinterest board devoted to this.

I don’t actually know much about unicorns or unicorn dildos. I was never one of those girls who was super into horses. Perhaps because I actually rode them, and realized they weren’t magic, just giant animals you have to take care of like any other pet… if any other pet could muderize you with one well-placed kick to the head.

In terms of mythical creature sex toys, I usually go dragon or go home. Click at your own risk, here there be dragon dicks.

You know your sex-toy company is serious as fuck when the online store is called “adoptions.” Yes, like cabbage patch kids.

The thing about the dragon dicks that I find so much more appealing than the unicorn dicks is that not all the dragon dicks look dangerously pointy at the end, (although some do). But also, that the dragon dicks are shaped about a million different ways, much like the diversity of our real-life butt and pussy holes.

There’s literally something for everyone. In addition to dildos, they stock dragon-themed dick sleeves in the butt, pussy, snout, and claw variety. They even sell a selection of packers in three skin tone options and three sizes.

The non-packer toys are a million different colors, and all the dragons have their own biography, although in the years I’ve been linking this site in order to prove a point or win an argument on the Internet, I never have bothered to read them. But I do love that what could easily be a joke is a for real and serious sex toy company. Although I have yet to learn what the crap their toys are made out of. So, if you do decide to buy a dragon dong today, slap a condom on that bad boy before you dive in.

Basically, what I’m saying is that dragons are better than unicorns in every situation.