Tick Etiquette

I’m going to be getting up at 5 this morning so I can go to Pasadena and take my grandmother to her hip replacement surgery so…

This is one of the custom blogs I do for my Facebook friends. I asked if there was anything they wanted me to blog about, and I’m writing a post for Mike because he answered.

Which animals at the Zoo are likely to be tasty in case of Zombie Apocalypse?

It really depends on the kind of animals your local zoo is stocked with. For example, if you live on Manhattan, you’re pretty much fucked.

However, in an apocalypse situation with a good zoo nearby I’d say that tastiness is the last factor you should be considering. What you want to focus on is longevity. You don’t know when society is going to rebuild itself, you gotta feed your tribe. Or whatever primitive version of a complex family structure we end up forming into.

First things first: Kill the predators starting with the big cats. If they get out, you fat little humans are probably first on their dinner menu. The only exception to this is if you happen to have Siegfried and Roy on your team (let’s face it, their love would survive a zombie Apocalypse because those boys are crazy). Then you can train the tigers to protect your camp because how cool would that be?

Anyway, after that kill the larger herbivores like rhinos and hippos because they are territorial and will stamp you to death. Keep the elephants because elephants are awesome, but also because they are easy to train and can carry heavy shit.

Also they can paint you paintings.

Finally, having gotten rid of all the other predators, you can knock down the sections of the zoo and use it as a hunting range for your tribe. Make sure not to over-hunt and you’ll have fresh meat for the rest of humanity. Which, let’s face it, probably won’t be that long.

Why does Microsoft not realize how stupid/bad their new interface is?

Everybody’s really into squares right now. Also design by committee almost always leads to heartbreak.

Proper etiquette when asking strangers to see if that is a tick on your back or if you just slept on an M&M?

It’s a good idea to know your audience. For example, this is probably a question for the dude who’s Bermuda shorts don’t match his Corona shirt, if you know what I mean.

And remember, a stranger’s just a friend you haven’t had the pleasure of meeting yet.