The 21 Best Tweets from Christmas 2013 – A Chronological List

It was really hard to find the filth this Christmas. It’s taking me forever. Ben went to bed hours ago. Everyone else in the house is asleep. Even Netflix has stopped playing Adventure Time in the next window because it thinks I have died. 

Proof the world is a better place, or am I just losing my edge?

Anyway, I’m trying something new this time. Instead of embedding the tweets, which always took forever to load, I’m posting screencaps of them. Let me know what you think.


1.
xmas_twtr_hof_1

I see what you did there.


2.
xmas_twtr_hof_2

It’s so rare for me to feel like any form of self expression is inappropriate. And yet here we are.


3.
xmas_twtr_hof_3


4.
xmas_twtr_hof_4

Yes.


5.
xmas_twtr_hof_5

Do you perhaps go by the moniker of “Chinky Santa?


6.
xmas_twtr_hof_6

Extremely good question.


7.
xmas_twtr_hof_6_0

Aside from that.


8.
xmas_twtr_hof_7

It’s like poetry.


9.
xmas_twtr_hof_8

They’re already in church. I think Jesus is maxed out at this point.


10.
xmas_twtr_hof_9


11.
xmas_twtr_hof_10


12.
xmas_twtr_hof_11


13.
xmas_twtr_hof_12


14.
xmas_twtr_hof_13


15.
xmas_twtr_hof_14

Son, Batman may be your boyfriend, but he’s my soulmate. I will fight you.


16.
xmas_twtr_hof_15

As you can see, this was posted 7 hours ago. Since then there have been no follow-up tweets re: the blood. Let’s all hope this kid isn’t dead.


17.
xmas_twtr_hof_16

Shame on you, autocorrect!


18.
xmas_twtr_hof_17

A warrior has to stay on her toes. Even on Christmas.


19.
xmas_twtr_hof_19


20.
xmas_twtr_hof_20


21.
xmas_twtr_hof_21

And to all a good night.


This is the kind of awesome that happens to you when you’re scouring twitter for the best/worst of the season:

xmas_twtr_hof_dildo

And yes, I am quite upset that there weren’t any good dildo tweets this year. Shame on all of us for letting that happen.

Also, this: