I realized today that I am really mean to myself. When I know I’m tired, or if some part of my job takes a lot out of me, I don’t honor that at all. I expect myself to push through and deliver no matter what. It’s important to perform well at my job, but nothing is as important as I’m making it right now. I would never be as needlessly shitty to an employee as I am to myself.
In my professional life I spend a lot of time thinking and talking about building a conscientious business that will support the market and create community through intelligent growth that creates sustainable communities of commerce. The kind of place where we invest in our employees, customers, and clients, in order that they reinvest in us and in their employees, customers, and clients and on down the line. The opposite of the shit-headed management that got us into the recession and is unmaking the middle class even as I type. And yet, I am being the worst possible manager to my one and only full time human resource: myself.
It’s true that as the founder and director of this party, I have a tacit agreement with myself and my market that I’ll be the first one in and the last one out. That I am responsible for every move I make, now and in the future, and I want to make the right ones. But the right move isn’t always the hard one. Being kind to myself may be more emotionally difficult, but it’s certainly not harder than being an asshole.
How can I be genuine in my intentions to create an entity that seeks to invest in all stakeholders when the well-being of the first stakeholder is barely an afterthought in day to day operations?