We’ll get to the sex in a moment, but first there’s some more drama breaking out about my grandma, and what’s going to happen to her. Or, more specifically, what’s going to happen to her money. Years ago, when she was making her will, she asked me what I thought of the whole thing and I told her in no uncertain terms that I have my own money, that I’m not at all interested in hers, and that there would probably be drama about it that I would actually pay to stay out of. So, she gave me two of my great-grandmother’s rings, and that was that. I am not in the will, I have no dog in this fight.
Now my only interest is an emotional one, and I’m struggling with where and to what extent that emotional interest requires me to stick my head in the Tasmanian devil style hurricane that is my family sometimes. So far, I’ve mostly kept my distance. I don’t have the money, time, or energy to be in the middle of this. I have concern for my grandmother’s well-being, but she seems to have no interest in anything. I’m going to stop by the house on Sunday to check in, hopefully nothing crazy happens while I’m there. Because we’re definitely in the crazy-times danger zone with that crowd. As recently as today, there was apparently a high pressure area (read: yelling and tears) hanging over the house.
On top of that, I took the day off work sick today, and I slept from about 9 a.m. to nearly 3 p.m. The stomach ache that grounded me is still hanging around, and I have no idea what’s up with that. I’m not puking, there’s no fever. It doesn’t get better or worse, food or no food, it stays the same. Honestly, the only time it doesn’t hurt is when I’m in the middle of eating. So if I can figure out a way to constantly eat from the moment I wake up to when I fall asleep at night, I’ve got this beat. Oh if only I were the obese stereotype so many people think I am!
It feels like I swallowed a large stone. And my body kind of wants to puke it up, but knows it’ll take a lot of energy, so isn’t really trying. It’s weird.
Anyway, in the spirit of making the whole world feel my pain, here’s some sex poems I wrote my awesome boyfriend.
You’ve reached inside my chest, up through my cunt and wrapped your hands around my heart.
One simple twitch makes me your puppet on metal strings pulled through my head
Put your mouth on my throat, rake your teeth on my skin
I’ll dance for you. I’ll dance for anyone you tell me to.
Make me beg for my own salvation
Push my face against the wall
Work my reflex
Hold my arms back
Take the things I wouldn’t give
Grab my hair in angry fistfuls
Pull the whimper from my throat
Know my truth, and make me pay
Teach me the lesson I never learn
Skin, blood, lungs, sternum
Out comes my heart to sit next to yours
Lay with me in this bent bed
Wound to wound under the plaster sky