Review: Thor 2 The Dark World

If you haven’t seen the trailer for Thor 2, here it is:

While at the theater, I also saw the trailer for Delivery Man and I am completely down. Maybe I watched Swingers at too young of an age, or something, but I love Vince Vaughn. I love his crazy Picaso face, I love the way he talks, everything. I just want to watch him do stuff.

Anyway, on to the Thor. As usual, the female love interest falls short of my massively high expectations. Pleasantly surprising, the other 3 female characters are generally awesome and bad ass. Portman is significantly less lame than almost any other female love interest that I can think of, but there are a couple of scenes where she tries to be the tough guy and it’s played for adorability, but I am not amused. She slaps both Thor and Loki at different times, and I thought it was needlessly silly.

First she slaps Thor for leaving her without any contact or indication that she was anything other than a back-of-the-universe pump and dump for two whole years, and it’s more pathetic than anything. If Thor pulls a cum and run, returns to your planet, is on fucking TV on your planet, and doesn’t so much as call you, you better believe he’s getting more than a cutesy little slap in the face. I’d take a picture of every dick I touched that wasn’t his and make him stare at them while I explained the importance of communication in relationships. But I can be petty. I’m definitely not hero material.

As for Loki, that one is just stupid. He’s the Marvel universe equivalent of Osama Bin Laden. If you saw Osama, and you knew it was him beyond a shadow of a doubt, would you slap him primly and tell him “That’s for New York?” No. Anybody would Seal Team Six that bitch like a motherfucker. If you super needed him for some universe saving mission, you’d wait patiently until he came through and then you’d dispose of the body. Not doctor Foster, who is more kitten then person. She doesn’t even break his nose. What a massive wimp with a terrible sense of perspective. This is why we can’t have nice things. Because even mass murders in action movies fail to get what’s coming to them.

And I know all the Loki fans are like “oh, he’s just sad. His heart is filled with tears, why don’t you cut him some slack for the massacre he committed.” I bet you guys are the same sad weirdos that wrote love letters to the Nightstalker. High cheekbones and an aquiline nose does not a good guy make, people.

Also, I took issue with Thor’s hair in this film. It is dirty the whole fucking time.

But it became fairly clear I was being a priss.

So I take back everything I said about him looking like he smelled.

Okay, wait. I will say one thing: I get that you’re extremely conflicted over your incredibly short-lived human girlfriend and falling in love with her would be the equivalent of one of us falling in love with a really sexy hamster, but once you’ve gone back and found her, wash your fucking hair! It’s gross. You’re gross. I mean, if you’re not even washing your head, what other parts of you aren’t being washed. I’m just saying.

All griping aside, the costuming, sets, and visual effects in this movie are amazing. Design boner doesn’t even begin to cover it. The first Thor was beautiful and everything, but this is even better than that. The plot is significantly better than the first movie as well. Only a few holes, and I can’t even think of them at the moment.

By the way, Ben just came in, saw that this was full screen on my computer, and was like “I thought you had to write your blog.”

google image search results for chris hemsworth

Welcome to the glamorous life of completely unpaid blogging. Where “Chris Hemsworth, butt” is totally legitimate research. I mean, when isn’t it?

8.8 out of 10 stars. Would watch again, would recommend.

Oh, and favorite character who I thought was annoying in the last movie but who I totally loved in this one: Snarky Intern. She was fab.

3 Replies to “Review: Thor 2 The Dark World

Comments are closed.