Movie Review: Drive

My awesome boyfriend and I saw “Drive” today. Off the bat, I think I think I should mention that my all time favorite movie is “Tank Girl.” “Die Hard” is a close second. So, if we’re having a classic noir cinema night, you might as well count me out.

I went in to the theater with absolutely no knowledge of the movie, except that it’s about a guy who drives for criminal-type reasons, and that there’s a girl and possibly a kid involved. Oh, and also, the violence is supposed to be crazy-dope. “Like Transporter,” I thought. Oh how wrong I was.

As lovely as Ryan Gosling’s adorable face is, and as much as I admire his perfect wedge of a nose, I have grown pretty tired of looking up into his well-sculpted nostrils as he drives through the dark of L.A. I’ve also grown tired of watching him stare mutely at the other characters in the film while they stare mutely back at him. And I’m really really tired the star of the soundtrack, a song so nice they played it 10 times. Some schlock about being human. Which I don’t think any of these people are, actually.

Without giving anything important away, let’s just say that if dutch angles, poor lighting and interminable pauses are your thing, by all means, go see “Drive.” But if you’re like me, and thought that there was going to be a lot of “Gone in 60 Seconds” inspired double-clutching and dramatic, well-choreographed pistol-whipping let me save you the trouble and let you know that there isn’t. In fact, there is not a single gear shift in this entire snooze-fest of a film.

So as not to leave on a sour note, I’ll tell you that I do appreciate the love interest, Carey Mulligan, she was perfect in the role of tiny, vulnerable, innocent girl badly in need of salvation Ryan Gosling style. All the actors were superb, really. The plot is sort of shit, but it’s the same rambling crap that all great cinema seems to be made out of.

Putting my personal bias aside, I think that people who appreciate dramatic tension and pretentious lighting will enjoy “Drive.” Fun for the whole film student family.

UPDATE: Having seen the theatrical trailer, I can now say that if you can save your money and your time by just watching that. The entire film is there, without all the staring and long shots of nothing.

People may call me a philistine for preferring “Die Hard” to other clear classics, but if you want long stretches of silence followed by a better understanding of the human condition, why not go for a hike, read a book or make something artistic, or creative or useful.