Incoherent

It’s coming up on 1 a.m., I’m still exhausted, and I have a meeting tomorrow morning that I need to look at least 80% human for. Stringing words together into proper sentences is no longer something I am capable of doing verbally. I just babbled at Ben for about 20 straight seconds before I realized that my option was cashed out. That pony’s in the express, that train has left the station, that goose is cooked and your mama’s good looking.

You can’t get blood from a stone, people.

I want to provide good content for you guys, I really do, but there’s only so much one sad little obese girl can cut out of herself and lay before you on a weekdaily basis without hitting a wall. I got to get paid people. I got to get paid so bad do you know I haven’t had sex in over a menstrual cycle? That’s a hate crime. That bastard sleeps next to me every night. At a certain point, a woman gets… strange. It’s probably not helping that I am also not sleeping.

Everything on me hurts, and my make-up is ugly.

I need a darker lip and a better lighting situation. Also to be less sweaty. The mustache can stay. It makes me feel closer to my spirit bitch, Frida Kahlo.

There is a helicopter circling low on my block and I do not have time for it’s helicopter shit. Go AWAY. Don’t you know I’m trying to run a business in this motherfucker? I don’t need your 1 a.m. hele-boody copter-call. It’s over.

What.

All week I’ve been trying to write an article on how women are 40% of the breadwinners and how this is the dawn of a new gynocracy because 40% is practically a majority when you’re dealing with a survey with only TWO VIABLE OPTIONS. (Non-binary people, I acknowledge you and I honor you, even in the diminished state I come to find myself in this morning, but you are not statistically significant in a survey dealing with all humans in the US. If you want to show up on surveys, you need to move to a smaller country. What do you think makes The Netherlands so damn special? Tiny countries. And wooden shoes.)

Anyway, next week we’re taking away men’s right to vote. And we’re cutting off dicks.

LOL