Happy Thanksgiving, bitches. Here’s a little taste of the holiday goodness you can expect to be served fresh tomorrow.
This is late because I spent most of the day in bed. I was worried I might be getting sick. But I’m awake and publishing this bastard just for you.
— Jenny Kitty (@JennyrpKitty) November 28, 2013
“I hope I cry.” SMH
Bitch, if you wanna cry, go ahead and cry.
It's just not Thanksgiving in our neighborhood until the first ambulance shows up. And it just did!
— Ben Bateman (@benspants) November 28, 2013
@Marinaisgo "oh, honey, they know that's just a pet name."
— Tulane Chris (@OMGLOLCTN) November 28, 2013
Thanksgiving will never be quite the same without someone saying something homophobic/racist at the table. #MissYouGrandma
— Skyler (@Skyler_H2) November 28, 2013
Cooking thanksgiving dinner update: threats within family have been made. Leticia just pulled a knife. Hell has broken loose. Ham in oven
— Rico DLR (@rico_rivers) November 28, 2013
That awkward moment when your partner's uncle makes an anal sex joke at the table during Thanksgiving….
— Cephalopod Squeegee (@this_isbollocks) November 28, 2013
Is it weird that I hope it’s in regard to the likelihood of anal sex going well after dinner?
Has everyone at the table met your "roommate" yet? #Thanksgiving
— Alec Mapa (@AlecMapa) November 28, 2013
For those who don’t know, Alec Mapa has a husband with whom he has a 7 year old son. It’s gone way beyond roommates.
My mom just tried to fight our neighbor because she broke my dogs leg. So that's how my thanksgiving is going lol
— Alecia (@Aleciayoder) November 28, 2013
My aunt just gave me a book of Bible quotes about being a strong woman because it reminded her of me. Save me.
— Emerald Pellot (@EmeraldGritty) November 28, 2013
Having thanksgiving at my uncle's house and he's gay so I have to refrain from saying anything homophobic for the entire day
— Spor (@spenchill) November 28, 2013
You poor thing. That must be so hard for you. 😐
Woah my grandma's bf is so far to the right it's unbelievable hes also a racist and he just smacked her butt happy thanksgiving
— taylor (@taylerpai) November 28, 2013
Single-handedly the saddest thing I've ever seen in my life was someone bleeding to death in front of their family on thanksgiving.. ????
— Huntuhhhh ?? (@WintersHunter) November 28, 2013
There is absolutely no context. I searched her twitter feed, this is a completely isolated tweet about watching some poor bastard bleed out on Thanksgiving.
haha, neighbor got shot on thanksgiving… toast.
— KD?V (@_kdev) November 29, 2013
The highlight of my Thanksgiving was when my cousin told me how he fucked a girl in the ass and used olive oil as lube
— Poop and Pee (@FittyTuckUrMom) November 29, 2013
My Dad and I got caught smoking weed by our family friend's 6 year old daughter. Happy thanksgiving.
— Zach Sokol (@zachsokol) November 29, 2013
— Blond Boy (@BlondLittleBoy) November 29, 2013
Adult babies need turkey too.
*saying jokes to my little nephew* Me: knock knock Him: who's there Me: not a turkey bc it's thanksgiving He started crying #littlebitch
— lexiepedia (@_aileencardenas) November 29, 2013
Michael pooped on the floor in three different spots… This was an interesting thanksgiving to say the least ????????????
— Lauren (@lwilson16) November 29, 2013
I don’t know who Michael is, and I’m not even going to try and find out.
Thanksgiving is about falling asleep on the floor, waking up and finding green bean casserole in your shirt pocket.
— Chandler Raub (@chandlerraub) November 29, 2013
This is here for the sheer quaintness of it all.
Real niggas get high on thanksgiving
— ??ic?? (@Fvckalice) November 29, 2013
Thank you, white girl.
Thanksgiving update: uncle Fred is picking up food that has fallen on the floor and putting it on people's plates
— Amber Minor (@AmberMMinor) November 29, 2013
My cousin showed up to thanksgiving with his boyfriend and said "this is my bitch" and that's how he came out of the closet.
— Morgan Rose (@morgangramlich) November 29, 2013
24/7 D/s relationship.
Spent Thanksgiving at my girlfriend's dad's girlfriend's dead grandparents' house.
— Erwin (@mountaingrey) November 29, 2013
"I always thought anal sex would be the answer to life" – my step grandma #thanksgiving
— Becky (@Becks_Barron) November 29, 2013
I can cross eating thanksgiving dinner with a crystal meth addict off of my bucket list
— Elvis Freshley (@Antmannn42) November 29, 2013
thanksgiving ain't complete until your dad has to call the cops on your grandma ????
— cheyenne (@cheyennekiana) November 29, 2013
— Shelly (@Shelly_Smyth2) November 29, 2013
Thanksgiving dinner just wouldn't be complete without the awkwardness of your senile grandpa trying to hit on you
— Alexa Platt (@Alexughh) November 29, 2013
this was the worst thanksgiving ever my fucking butthole started bleeding
— ?teresa? (@TWERKBURGER) November 29, 2013
Instead of saying "I won't celebrate Thanksgiving due to the holocaust of Native Americans", try "I won't celebrate because I'm a cunt."
— Scott Jones (@__ScottJones__) November 29, 2013
KILLED Thanksgiving. Ate tons of food, made aggressively negative comments to family members, & watched my uncle punch a hotel shower head.
— SmugDingus (@SmugDingus) November 29, 2013
And my long lost cousin who I met for the first time today basically hit on me at the thanksgiving dinner so that's always fun & awkward.
— bailey (@baileynicb) November 29, 2013
My hamster probably shit all over my thanksgiving food I hate lil nigga
— James Porter (@james_llalala) November 29, 2013
Nobody got carving-fork stabbed that didn't deserve it, so I'm calling it: best Thanksgiving EVER.
— Ryan K (@absinthetics) November 29, 2013
Reminds me of Coolio
It's not thanksgiving until you get in a fist fight with your sister for talking shit about your dog
— Angel (@ay_2leeee) November 29, 2013
Shout out, to my old girlfriend! She came over for Thanksgiving and fucked me in my race car bed…
— Love2Laugh (@AndLive2Love) November 29, 2013
What are friends for?