Gillette Venus Razor for Women

I was trying to write about class in America, but I am way too tired at this point to make any kind of coherent arguments about that. However, I think I’m just tired enough to get a little snarknado off my chest. It’s been brewing for awhile.

A list of jokes (in various stages of completion) about the Gillette Venus Razor for Women.

I like that it’s named after a dead goddess of love as a tribute to third wave feminism. Because like Venus, sexism is dead and I chose to remove half my hair of my own accord due in no part to an oppressively nasty beauty industry that takes advantage of patriarchal sexual objectification.

I appreciate it’s further dedication to feminism in that it never actually shaves all the hair off my legs. The random, quarter-sized patches I find stand proudly in the mid-day sun and seem to say “Yeah, I shave my legs, but I don’t necessarily fell the need to do it well or completely.” Because I am aloof.

If you ever wanted to shave your legs with a pontoon boat, this is your time to shine, my friend.

I like that the handle is a gender neutral yellow. But that it has sparkles in it to honor my inner stripper.

Anyway. I bought this damn razor site unseen over a year ago. As is my habit, I also bought a box of refill razors because I always seem to have to buy a new razor every time I run out of heads since they’ve discontinued the one I had. That was fucking stupid because this razor is terrible. In the last year, I have never figured out how to make it work correctly, it always leaves random patches of hair on my otherwise shaved legs. Also I hate its name and it looks like a sea slug had a baby with a terror factory.

Fun fact: while I was writing this, Imgur crashed and WordPress app had just done an update that made every thing really confusing for me, so it was getting really difficult to get that picture of the razor off my phone and onto this blog. Being so very tired, I was extremely frustrated by the time I decided I’d try and tweet the pic, then I’d save it onto my computer and upload it onto the blog. Like some sort of fucking caveman. So I wanted to express my frustration.


Oops. I immediately realized that it looked like I was about to relapse into self-harm using evil sponge-bob on a stick. And all I could do is laugh.

No joke, just as I was finishing this post my keyboard took it upon itself to only type Is forever. So this entire post became IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIs. Ben came and fixed it, but I was about ready to cry. Especially since it’s been a bad week for me and equipment. My bluetooth headset stopped working after the bug flew in my eye and my spaz attack slammed it into the sidewalk, then I had to buy a new laptop since my sweet old Eee PC can’t run Photoshop, or connect to newer versions of wifi anymore, and I’m just barely getting all my apps sorted and back on my phone after my old phone broke.

I’m probably the only nerd in the history of nerdation to not be excited about getting a new laptop. I suck.

2 Replies to “Gillette Venus Razor for Women

  1. wtf patriarchal sexual objectification? Men have to shave too. How would you like to take a blade to your face every day.

    Also, back hair.

    1. 1. It’s a joke.

      2. You don’t have to shave. I’m usually not one of those people who tries to act like the patriarchy is at fault for my fashion decisions. I can shave my legs or not. It’s completely my choice, and I chose to shave them. But the woman who doesn’t shave her legs is not going to get the same response as a man who doesn’t shave his face. That’s just our culture.

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