While we were all at grandma’s on Monday, my mom announced that we were going to dump my late grandfather’s ashes in the yard before everybody left. This was a surprise for me on many levels. First, I thought that bastard was in the Pacific. Second, Gross. Third, why would anybody want that?
But it was happening, so I thought I might as well stand nearby so I could tweet any overly interesting quotes.
Uncle dumping ashes: Motherfucker. Grandma: Oh hush. Mom: Don't hush, this is real. Me: Lolacaust.
— Marina Rose Martinez (@Marinaisgo) September 30, 2013
Now mom is trying to get uncle to smash the box. What's going to happen to this asshole's box? The drama.
— Marina Rose Martinez (@Marinaisgo) September 30, 2013
Mom threw the box into the back yard. Uncle: You need to go get that. We can't leave it for the renter.
— Marina Rose Martinez (@Marinaisgo) September 30, 2013
Basically, that’s the entire service in tweet form. Mom and uncle said some things. Grandma huffed, and I laughed and laughed and pretended to be really fucking busy with something else.
Ash got everywhere. Even on my phone. So super ewwwe.
And the whole time one of the two rando dudes my mom brought with her was taking pictures and spouting Christian mysticism.
That’s basically the most civil and normal family event we may have ever had. The good news is that now I can have my ashes dumped in the Pacific like I always wanted, but like I decided I would never ever do because I didn’t want to share the same ocean with that fuckhole.
Bye douche. I'm glad there's no afterlife because I need you to not exist in any form, on any plane.
— Marina Rose Martinez (@Marinaisgo) September 30, 2013