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Did you want to be a medium as a child, but realized that you weren’t psychic? Well, here’s your chance to channel Marina Martinez in two easy steps, no psychic power needed.

Step 1: Open your mouth

Step 2: Ponder the state of the world.

If you begin to scream uncontrollably and at an earsplitting volume, then you have succeeded. Congratulations, you’ve now channeled Marina Martinez.

If you are not screaming, ponder harder.

If that still doesn’t work, maybe you are having difficulty determining which direction your pondering should take. Here are some possible suggestions

-The national debt is now over eight trillion dollars and rising quickly

-George Bush is actually our president

-In America, a woman is raped every two minutes.

-2156 dead soldiers in Iraq and counting

-Schwarzenegger is actually our governor

-Drug companies like Merc can falsify studies in reputable medical journals so that they can sell is drugs like Vioxx that they know will kill us

-Global Warming

-The fact that people even think that there may be a ‘war on christmas’

-The war on drugs is wasting valuable funds that could go to schools or healthcare, which is badly needed

-The patriot act (please don’t let it pass)

-In April, there will be two measures in the ballot to prevent gay marriage, and take away the rights that gays already have

-Even though republicans have lost ground with most voters, the democrats haven’t gained any because they’re all buffoons

-Schwarzenegger vetoed the bill that would have legalized gay marriage

-Tookie Williams is dead

– People are still dying of malaria

-Our President is trying to cure AIDS in Africa with Jesus and abstinence.

-Schools in Dover, Pa have been mandated to teach intelligent design as an alternative to evolution.

– censorship



-Illegal immigrants are encouraged to come into America when times are good, but they’re demonized and singled out when the economy takes a turn

-George Bush is actually president