Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Fat. There Are Much Better Reasons.

First of all:

Thanks to Heina at Skepchick for blogging about weight stigma awareness week, or I would have had absolutely no idea I was about to let it pass me by without even a single post on fattness. And as a fat blogger, that is just unconscionable. But since it’s Friday, and I already blogged about creepy space invaders, trans-phobic cyber-bullying, and a post that was literally 85% Puke, I’m not going to go serious with this one. To do so would violate some untold number of UN conventions.

Instead, here are better reasons to stigmatize me:

• I used to legitimately believe in anarchy as a form of government.
• I once wrote in my journal that the boy I had a crush on was a philistine because he had never read The Communist Manifesto (that boy was Ben).
• I listen to gangster rap and sing along. Unless I’m in my (black) neighborhood, at which point I’ll turn it way down or switch to NPR. I’m not even really sure why I do this. I guess it’s because I look white and I don’t want people to get the wrong idea?
• I still write poetry.
• I own the Mumford and Sons album Babel, and I sometimes listen to it when I’m sad.
• Same goes for Britney Spears Circus.
• Every book on my Kindle app is gay romance. Every. Single. One. I have a degree in Literature. Now I willingly read the most poorly written shit on the planet. Because penis.
• In 7th grade I named our new dog “Dude.” And Dude was that poor bastard’s name for the rest of his long, terribly named life.
• For a short time, I was in a band called Mystic Horses. I never met our drummer, but I heard he was cool.
• I once sat on a gay dudes lap and flirted with him to get my way. Not because I thought sexuality would work, but because I knew he was in the closet and he’d at least have to act like it worked. I still didn’t get what I wanted. I may be a devious whore, but I am a completely useless devious whore.

I ran out of things, so I asked Ben if he had any:

• Your response to saying something awkward in a social situation is frequently to double down, and it’s hilarious.
• You take pride in being loud and obnoxious, but you get embarassed when I’m loud and obnoxious
• You go to rediculous lengths to avoid walking or driving back over your own path
• You refuse to read anything longer than a sound-bite if it’s not gay porn. (Editor’s note: see aforementioned comment about the Kindle)

Any more scornful, yet hilarious/weird shit I do? Let me know in the comments.