Die Hard 3 Liveblog

Sorry we started late, I had to use it. And then I was hungry. Anyway, now we’re starting

I bombed this department store because I had a very important question to ask LT. McClane. Will you be my valentine?

“Let’s see, I’m wearing a I HATE N WORDS” sandwich board, I’ll walk towards this little old lady obviously on her way to church.

Bomb guys, am I right?

Is there any point in this movie where the song Ebony and Ivory plays in the background?

“I understand that you’re a fucking wacko that likes to play kid games” GET IT

“I’m about to get tied to this Honkey who is barely a fucking cop and doesn’t even have a shirt. Fuck. My. Whole. Life.” -Zues internal monologue.

“You stole 20 cabs!”

The way Sam Jackson is sitting in this cab is the same way my grandma sat when she was teaching me to drive.

“And then a man ran into the subway car and told me to OPEN MY LEGS. So I screamed. And he ran away,” -This lady totally missing the point.

Oh no, my peanut butter and jelly shake is all ruined!

OMG, is anybody else having Mass Effect 2 ending flash backs right now?

If your flashback is more crisp and vibrant than the actual event, you might be in an action movie.

The one day Zues’s criminal-ass nephews actually go to school…

Hook, line und zinker.

You know, all city engineers wear $5000 suits and talk like some kinda deaf Brit.

Number 3 bad guy likes to keep his hairspray close at hand.

The new bombagachi pets. Feed it and pet it and it won’t blow you apart.

This movie is a lesson to people of color: you can’t hold decades of institutionalized racism against the people in power, it only makes you less able to help them prevent a major tragedy.
Sadly, it’s basically true.

That’s funny, I gave them the bomb, then they spoke German for a little bit, and then they walked into an unmarked car and drove away like they were trying to catch something.

New rule: If you’re John McClane and you hear a shitty American accent, just fucking start punching fucking everything.

“You got a map?” “Yeah, right here next to my Discman.”

Check out this fridge that nobody ordered, that was delivered this morning, and that seems to be filled with bombs. Do you think it’s something?

You better roll up the window motherfucker.

This is why they told the children in the Sandy Hook drills that they might be shot by some motherfucker. So they realize the gravity of the situation.

We’re going to wait until we are extra sure these children will not clear the blast radius.

Letting your friends go into battle with the safety on. Completely uncool.

Oh shit. I’m on my period.

Commiserating about hold times with terrorists.

“What the fuck are you doing?”
“Trying to take a shit, shut up.”

John McClane hasn’t spoken to his wife or his children in a year. AKA The reason Lucy McClane sucks so many strange dicks.

The explosion blows apart Zeus’s hands, forever destroying his livelihood and effectively ending his ability to function as a man.

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Like my Die Hard liveblog/livestream from Monday and Tuesday, the Die Hard 3 party will be tonight at 7:30 p.m. PST. Then on Saturday we’ll watch Die Hard 4 at my house followed by a journey to the theater for Die Hard 5.

Of course we won’t be broadcasting the movie, but you can watch along with us on your on copy. Amazon Instant Video also has a 24-hour rental for $2.99

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