Sperm Amigurumi

I crocheted a sperm. I have no idea what to do with it. I was trying to crochet a doll. I made its head, was...

Dove Chooses Obnoxious

“It was my choice, and now I will question myself for the next few weeks, maybe months.” That’s the opening sentence for this advertisement. I...

McDonald’s, Stahp

If you’ve read a book on branding lately (I mean, who hasn’t?) you’ll notice that they probably have McDonald’s listed as the “DON’T” example. Unlike...

Female Ambition

I am so fucking tired of people mentioning how shit it is that high-achieving women are bitches in the same situations where high-achieving men are...

Itinerary

*Changes are in red THURSDAY 8:30 a.m. – Wake up 9:30 a.m. – Conference call 10:00 a.m. – Draft deadline 11:00 a.m. – Sneak breakfast...

So Long, Stinkcity!

One year ago today (or yesterday, from where you’re sitting) we left Los Angeles for Portland, Oregon: city of opportunity, land of dreams, way better...

Cry Me a River

One time my therapist, not coincidentally the one I ended up firing for being crazy, told me that she didn’t understand why I made my...

Fuck Legacy

Oh man, I can’t remember if you wrote this before or after the dog thing, but this is at least a tiny bit relevant to...

How to Get Fucked

Everybody loves to fuck (asexuals excepted, of course). Nobody loves getting fucked. Or at least we don’t talk about it if we do. We live...

Sturdy Thirty

I am now 30 years old. I’m just surprised I didn’t suffer from birthday depression, although it seems like I haven’t had a proper birthday...