Poopy morning. My lap-top’s mother-bored burnt out. I asked my grandma (the richist person I know) if she would please buy me a macbook for graduation. She suggested to me that I tell everyone I know to give me money for the macbook instead of a graduation present and that she’ll pay the difference for the machine. It sounded like a fine, community building experience at the time, but I’ve since realized a few things:
1. Everyone I know is just as broke, if not more broke than I am.
2. I don’t even think anyone is going to get me a graduation present, and bringing it up might just make it wierd
3. My own parents are telling me they’re flat-out
4. While all this is happening, my computer’s still dead and I’m working on borrowed machines
My dad and my mom both had the same response: Tell your grandmother to buy the computer now and we’ll give her some money when we get it (collectivly they still owe her around a hundred thousand dollars from past ‘well pay you when we get it’ moments).
I told this to my grandmother, I used the “you know they’ll never pay you” tone (I felt it was only right), and she informed me that she doesn’t know if she has the money afterall. I got sad.
I’ll be glad when I’m away from here, I think. I look around class at all the childrens on all their macbooks and I think to myself “I bet somebody just bought that for you.” That’s an assumption. I’m making an assumption that because they go to Chapman that they probably have parents who don’t borrow money from them. That they probably don’t have to work two jobs like I do, and that they’re all born with a silver dollar up their ass.
I’m totally being childish, expecting someone else to get me something I can’t afford to get for myself. I’m totally expecting a reward for doing what I’m supposed to do anyway.
Ben’s imac is what I do my podcast with, and it gets more stupid everyday. The last two shows went straight into the toilet because audacity crashed both times and deleted the whole damn show before I could save it. Every day I get a little bit closer to throwing it out the fucking window.
I’m just butt hurt that I’m not getting what I want, and I’m being an ass about it.