I got a good crop this year. But first, the trend of promoted tweets linked to depraved search terms continues. Merry Christmas to Ford, Unilever, and Budweiser, you fucking sick bastards.
On to the real reason for the season:
Only thing I didn't get for Christmas was a hot date with a beautiful tranny. But I can't wait to try my new butt plug this weekend
— Brian Clemens (@ClamSauce21) December 26, 2014
Ah, but a man’s reach should exceed his grasp, or what’s a heaven for?
My aunt got my grandma anal beads for Christmas……. I'm gonna go kill myself now ????
— Blake Henderson (@Balakae24) December 26, 2014
Mom just asked if I have anal sex. Merry Christmas
— Blakè (@B_Williams45) December 26, 2014
RT if you've had a little cry bc heteronormativity this Christmas
— Charlie Sarson (@charliesarson) December 25, 2014
All I want is for Christmas is an ass of cum. Make my boy pussy have a white Christmas
— lost boy (@rawfuninmybum) December 25, 2014
Wait, your Christmas gift to me was your cum down my throat?? Because I actually wanted an amazon gift card………….
— Jensen (@JensenGehrcke) December 25, 2014
This is why communications is an essential part of any relationship.
Why is it that every Christmas Eve I come home covered in blood
— Sam (@_Sam_Turner_) December 25, 2014
Only one person can answer that question, and it sure isn’t me.
The true meaning of Christmas is the look in my parents eyes when I tell them the name of my new band is "Cum Explosion"#holidaymagic
— Puerto Hricko (@ayejayjayy69) December 25, 2014
Fighting the good fight.
all i want 4 christmas is cummies from daddy
— assface (@Raeii) December 25, 2014
Socialist/feminist friends. Remember it is our duty to ruin christmas dinner with our opinions. Good luck comrades.
— Joe Wells (@joewellscomic) December 25, 2013
— Larkin Love (@MissLarkinLove) December 25, 2014
Just walked in on my dad jerking off to keeping up with the kardashians. Merry Christmas to me
— 1800fuckoff (@sarah_palacat) December 25, 2014
Dog Poop spelled backwards is Poop God. Merry Christmas
— Saint Goodposts (@mythicalpizza) December 25, 2014
So it is.
So my old uncle's drunk crackhead gf tried to fight my pregnant aunt, wow well this is a Christmas to remember ????????????
— ||Justin||Zach|| (@ZachSuckedMyAss) December 25, 2014
Do you think that kid from A Christmas Story ever sucked a dick and pretended to get his tongue stuck to the dick or what?
— Electric Potato (@punonmyname) December 25, 2014
You’d basically have to… or your entire career is a joke, right?
Merry Christmas, you heteronormative shitlords.
— Matt Forney (@realmattforney) December 25, 2014
When touchy Uncle Larry wanna see how big u got since he been locked up pic.twitter.com/OxtVNTgbDh
— ?Mistletoe MeGa? (@MeGaMoBux) December 25, 2014
my brothers and I are going to draw straws to see who's going to pretend to come out of the closet tomorrow and ruin my step moms Christmas
— Adam Murray (@murray199775) December 25, 2014